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I'm not depressed, I'm not sad, however, I am not exactly happy either. I am grateful for my blessings and I appreciate my privileges, but even in the end of thank you's and smiles, I can't help but feel uncomfortable and gross in myself. My self-esteem and insecurities have been taken too far and now control my every action in life. For instance, pretending like I hate someone because she is skinnier than me or adding little white lies to my everyday life because the story I am telling after they told me theirs, is awkward and boring. I know everyone goes through a stage in their life where they hate their body and can't help but feel the need to impress, but this is getting out of hand and I know it.
For starters, I know I am not "fat". I am extra small in almost everything I wear and zero to even double zeros in some pants I wear. The problem is, I am short. I am very short. A girl my weight but a couple of inches taller would be a model it seems, but everything just appears to make me big with my short torso and my excuse for legs.
It doesn't help that I have been gaining weight either, I eat more lately, which I suppose is a good thing. I know that the whole don't eat for a week straight thing doesn't work; but what actually does work?
I guess that is my question: How can I actually achieve my goal in my weight and body balance?
Please note that I do not no longer want to do this because of other people's opinions but I want to do this for myself.
I have tried a lot of things in the past, I guess put simply, I am a 16-year-old girl on a tight budget lol. Although, my first plan is to save up once I go back to work in a few weeks ( this is so scattered I am so sorry ). But I understand the whole It Girl thing is basically impossible to replicate if you don't work for yourself and have an amazing aesthetically pleasing home lmao.
Put simply, in this very not simple writing, I want to improve myself for the right reasons. I do want to lose weight and get snatched I suppose, but not so some cute boy looks at me. But so I feel accomplished and good about myself. I want to be healthy and eat the right foods without having to worry about money and get back on all As instead of all Bs. But I don't know where to start.
Do you have any advice?
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I mean, maybe for starters I think it would be helpful to find out what causes you to get off track in your diet/exercise regimen. Thinking about how it happens and why can help you come up with an inverted perspective of how to tackle a return to your goals. When I say "inverted perspective" I'm talking like this: maybe instead of thinking of how to be healthy, think of how to be unhealthy. When you think of it that way, it can discourage you to act in ways that you deem unhealthy to begin with because you start to perceive it as a distraction toward your goal. This can apply in other areas of interest really.
You're growing up, so I'd say not to be too hard on yourself. There's many an opportunity for change. Rooting for you!
ReplyThank you so much, I never looked at it that way.
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