Unsent Coming Out Letter To Mum

Dear Mum,

I wish that I had been your mother, and you my daughter, and maybe, I stop you becoming a mother, not because you’re a bad one, but because I want to meet the mum, who didn’t become a mum, more than I want you as my mum. Because I love you and love is cannibalistic, so ’ll chew up myself as your daughter, break the cartilage, and cut at the joints and just be gone, as your daughter.

Also Umma, I am bisexual and in love, and heartbreak simultaneously because I love her and she is bisexual and I am pretty sure when she said to me ‘I am bisexual’, she was saying I love you. But she didn’t say those exact words rather when she came out, she said or rather I fed her the words she couldn’t think up to explain the inevitable sadness of it all.

‘I can’t act on it because doing so would just bring about more pain than happiness, for everyone involved.’

I fed her those words after I came out to my lesbian friend, who I was also briefly in love with, and I told her,

I can’t act on it because doing so would just bring about more pain than happiness, for everyone involved.

So I was forced to hear the women I love repeat the words I said to the women I once loved

And to be clear, neither of them know that I love/ loved them because as I said to my first love and as my current love said to me (after I fed her the words)

It would bring about more pain than happiness for everyone involved.

As I said mum, love is cannibalistic,

your daughter, XXX

XXX