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I want to be a boy.
Or do I ? I don't know.
Is it what I want, is it how I feel ?
Am I scared ? Or maybe just lost.
Am I asking myself the right questions ?
Explaining it is like going through an endless maze.
There's no end and as you change paths, it changes as well.
Because, in reality...
Becoming a boy might not be it. Or it might be ?
I'm not sure if I feel like a girl,
But I'm used to feel like it.
And it doesn't bother me...
But thinking about being a boy is not what I really want.
I want to look like a boy, that's it.
I hate the way my body is,
How my chest is...
Why can't I have a flat chest like a boy ?
Why can't I look like a boy,
And still be called a girl ?
Or do I really want to be viewed as a girl... ?
Why can't my clothes fit like it does on boys ?
Why can't I look like that one guy
That everyone envies in series
Because of how good he looks.
I want to be that boy.
I want to have his sense of style.
With oversized t-shirts, hoodies and large trousers.
And have a short messy haircut
That, for once, does not look "girly" on me.
Let me be him.
Let me be my version of a girl.
Let me be what I want to be.
Let me be me...
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One thing that helped me was not focusing on "am I truly a girl/boy" because that is a hard question that takes time. And focus on "what would make me happy?". Do you want to be seen as a boy or a girl, what kind of things would make you feel euphoria, etc. Happiness is more important i think. Good luck, friend
ReplyI know a girl who dresses like a boy, looks like a boy, dates girls. But if you ask her she’ll say she’s a girl. I have soo much respect for her. It’s like she doesn’t let labels affect her at all, she’s just herself.
Maybe you can approach life like that also? I’m sure it’s not easy especially if there’s a lot of pressure from others. They’ll always expect you to define yourself. But you’re bringing up good points, you’re questioning definitions. I hope you find what works (and if it changes, go with it).
Me I’m CIS but that could change. I think it’s cool to keep every option open, and the best way to do that is to be yourself without committing to any specific rules. Try different stuff, different clothes, hair, attitudes. Have fun with it :)
ReplyGender doesn't necessarily have to fit into the binary of being specifically a boy or specifically a girl. You could be neither, both, or other variations at different times in your life. I agree with others about focusing on what makes you comfortable and happy rather than deciding to put any specific label on it (unless labelling it will help you).
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