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I'm no longer a child, I'm a grown ass man. Please let me ask you this question and answer with complete honesty: Do you get stuck sometimes? Let me explain, my brain remembers places, that's what I call somewhat being stuck in your ways; it could be an object, imagery, etc. Sometimes I convince myself that everything is fine. That helps me validate my life from time to time, except when the fire gets gone and life is just a static piece of nothingness. I don't know, something about the way my brain is wired. Sometimes I also say fuck it, but nothing changes, it all stays the same. Sometimes (I know I said sometimes too many times) I wish we would have a different understanding of things, but that's just the way we make sense of the world. It makes me wish being stuck was a thing so I'm not the only one, like I get stuck everywhere, in the bathroom, in my bed, etc. It's too revealing to say, I know, especially since we want to be better as persons, so why would you admit defeat? It has become too common in my life, I've learned and I'm still learning ways to cope with things. I feel like I'm just living and I don't deserve this life. It's like I have to keep going, when sometimes (again) it goes to my head and it stays there. On a side note, I wish I could stop thinking about death and the pointlessness of life; it couldn't be all for nothing, that doesn't make sense in my mind. Many things don't fit the description of what I would call sense, but they do nonetheless. If I wanted anything out of anything was to reach the point of no complain, a place I could be happy without worrying forevermore.
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