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i wish i had never romanticized the idea of being 16. i know its not the fault of my younger self; she was a bookworm, obsessed with romance and fantasy and it only makes sense she was a hopeless romantic. 16 seemed like the perfect age to her. but now, with only a few months left of being sixteen, im scared ill never love again. all the words he said to me flood my thoughts and drag me down. it feels impossible to go a moment without thinking of him and each thought breaks me over and over again. thinking of everything he did to me fills my throat with bile, makes my head spin, and makes my heart ache. i turn into a shell of myself when he pops into my brain; my world goes quiet and all i can do is suffocate in my own thoughts. i wish i could just forget , for my sake and hers
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i’m turning sixteen next month, and i felt about it the same way that you did. i thought it would be parties, boyfriends, football games, and sparkly school dances. it looks more like a lack of all of those things right now. what comforts me, though, is that my younger self would have been pretty impressed by stuff that i’ve done leading up to this age. i might be heartbroken as hell right now, but i’ve kissed a handful of boys. i might not be prom queen, but i had a great time at homecoming this year. i may never be a cheerleader, but most of them at my school are mean and my friends in the drama club are a lot more fun. even though sixteen might not be what you expected it to be, i guarantee you that your younger self would like at least something about who you are today.
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