I Still Think About You

I'm gonna try my best to not sound condescending or passive aggressive. I know I'm gonna seem kinda selfish though. It's been almost 3 years now since you left without a word. I think about the fact that I never got to say goodbye or keep in touch, and I wonder why or what went wrong. I still think about you. I still wonder if you think about me or even miss me.

I've missed 3 of your birthdays, and I've cried on each one because I don't get to celebrate that with you or even tell you "Happy Birthday" anymore. I always think about what milestones we've missed in each other's lives. I've gotten my heart broken a total of 5 times since you left, found the one I'm now married to, got my own apartment, and finally found a job that I love. What have I missed from your life? We stayed friends for almost 10 whole years, practically growing up together. We also promised to always be there for each other and to go to one another if we ever needed to talk. I'm happy with the life I have so far, but if I'm being honest, having my best friend in my life would make it a thousand times better.

Any time I think of you, there's an ounce of betrayal there. How could you just leave without saying anything? Not just to me, but to all your friends here. We all miss you, but we all hope that you're doing okay. Any time I think about why you left, I blame myself, thinking I was too much or something. Maybe the guy I was dating at the time was being a creep towards you and you didn't want to upset me by saying something. Maybe I was overwhelming you or did something to make you feel trapped and upset. I don't know what I did or if I even did anything that made you decide to leave without telling me, but I respect your decision. Take all the time that you need, and if I ever get to see you again or, at the very least, talk to you again, I hope things won't be too awkward.

To my best friend, Leo, if you ever need to talk about anything or just want to catch up after all this time, just reach out to me. I haven't forgotten about our promise, and you'll be welcomed with open arms. I miss you so much. Wherever you are, I hope you're happy. I hope you're healthy. And I hope you haven't forgotten about me.

- Love, Raisin