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Am I just lazy or genuinely depressed?
Why am I so pathetic How did I end up like this I have my end semester exam tomorrow but I couldn't care. I know I'll fail miserably. It seems I have planned my failure even before the semester began.
I couldn't help but ask myself am I doing all these for attention from my family. Sometimes I can't help but feel, am I just making excuses to sleep on bed all day. All i do is watch Kpop, listen to sad songs and read about depressed people as it gives me comfort. I really don't know the person inside me My head aches so much I wanna sleep but I'm not able to do, so I barely slept 3 hours last night .I hate to wear the uniform I hate the thought of even attending the class let alone exams. From the top I've fallen to pit bottom. My parents paid a lot for my university because they believed in me
The embarassing fact is that I was a really studious student back in school days I loved to study I loved giving exams I was always the top student. I'm embarassed to even show my face to my mates. I have cut all contacts with my friends,
Being the first child , how lovingly they took care of me I can't help but feel sad for the precious souls.
I don't feel alive Even if I were to die I'd be so happy. I honestly don't feel alive. I already died mentally by the age of 14 . After that I never grew. Everything feels like an illusion. I dont attend classes regularly. I don't submit my assignments. Even if the professors yell at me I dont know why but nothing matters at all. Why I feel empty? It doesn't feel real
As lame as it sounds, the only reason I didn't suicide is because I don't want to disappoint my parents They suffered a lot. I don't want them to be living in shame because of me. Pretty lame excuse or maybe I don't have the courage to die. Honestly what a blatant fool am I. I'm convinced If I was an orphan I wouldn't have lived long, Why am I so weak? Why I can't handle challenges like my peers. Anyone please kill me. I dont wanna burden my parents with my ongoing failures. They dont deserve an ungrateful child like me. I'm really sorry.
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I can relate to you. I’m in university and it feels like I’m only living because I don’t want to disappoint my family. I have no interest in my major but I’m pursuing it because it makes them so happy. Reading this made me feel as though I was the one who wrote it. I know it’s hard and I hope one day you can find happiness. Please reach out for help whether that’s a friend or a professor you can’t keep living your life in misery. You are not alone even though it feels like you are. I wish you the best and please remember you will get through this.
ReplyHey it's okay being a elder child it's not only come with care AMD love and responsibility and u are not weak when u already know u can't do suicide another thing but you ate so strong and courageous that u know what not to do just find your way what to do .i know what a elder child feel being a elder child I also feel the same sometime but that not make me hate myself too
ReplyI relate to u. obviously our problems are different, but you are not alone! I've been asking myself the same question. am I depressed, or do I just think im depressed? are my mental health issues valid, or am I just lazy. we will get through this, life will give us light eventually. at least I hope it will. for right now, I'm just going to stick it out and not end my life quite yet. time will heal all. I hope. sending love
Replyyou expressed the thoughts inside me , i already failed and i didn't tell my parent , and if i failed again i will have freezing studies , i have final and i am not studying at all
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