Im scared

When I get older I want to become a mother but I'm scared. Not scared about the pregnancy, how much money I'll spend, how all my attention and time will be on the child. No.

I'm scared of becoming like my father, my father was never the best and being compared to dead beat man like him is horrible. My mother tells me all the horrible things he's done but then she's like "Oh my god you're just like you're father when you do ____!" It can be a good thing or a bad thing but I hate it.

I never want to be compared to that man, the more I get older the more I realize I'm basically him. I don't want to pass on my trauma to my child or children. I want to break the trauma chain. I never want it to happen.