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I've had this problem with talking about my issues and throwing everything onto someone then being a complete wall when it comes to me dealing with their problems. After I talk about these said problems, I always think about how they won't like me afterwards and how they would stop talking to me and think of me as a bad friend and someone who wouldn't help them even though they try to help me. I feel totally useless and my friendships with people feel one-sided. I'm just very emotionally-inept; that probably isn't the right word for it but I don't know what to say.
A lot of this comes from a previous friendship where I had basically dumped all of my emotions into that person and they accepted them and tried helping me even though it was pretty much impossible and I was very difficult, pushing their help away but always wanting to be helped. Eventually they had enough and called me out, calling me a bad friend and everything and it just completely broke me emotionally in every way.
After dumping all of my emotions, the longer the response, the more scared I get to the point I'm terrified to even see if I got a response. I hate it but I don't know how to change because I feel like I have changed but when I get dealt the same situations, I always end up as such a mess.
I think this is where I should leave this, it's way too late rn and I should probably sleep.
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Recently made an account and forgot to mention that any type of understanding (?) would be very nice.
ReplyWhy don't you just enjoy other people's company instead of dumping anything at all on them.
ReplyI don't blame you for having trouble feeling stable opening up to others; Being vulnerable with your emotions is a really difficult thing to do! Especially not knowing where the boundary is. I've similarly feared opening up to people because I don't want it to be deemed a burden before, and have felt the guilt of not being able to be receptive to others when they tell me their own struggles.
One of the things that's made it easier for me to feel confident expressing my feelings w those closest to me is asking before venting deeply, in a casual way like "hey, would you mind if i vented a bit about my day/situation?" and clarify whether you're looking for advice or just looking to be listened to. By more explicitly describing what you're looking for, sometimes it can give the person a permission to set a boundary (and they'd have no reason to be upset with you for simply askin if you can vent!) and you can also be confident if they say yes that theyre in the headspace to listen and be present, and that your expressions aren't a burden!
You're not a bad person or a bad friend because of that one situation, and it seems clear that you're doing your best to manage your emotions in a way that's healthy for you n the people around you. Working through emotions is tough! I don't blame you.
I can also understand the anxiety of waiting for a response after venting, not being sure if its going to be interpreted as a burden. Another thing that can be helpful to know is that a healthy friend who sets clear boundaries will tell you if they aren't ready to listen or if it was too much *without* degrading you as a person or making you feel bad. I can understand how easy it is to internalize when friends give us really harsh criticism, and I'm really sorry that the dynamic sounded unhappy for a while.
Am sincerely wishing you the best
ReplyI've never thought of setting boundaries before venting. It would allow me to be more comfortable during the conversation and in turn make it go smoother and less stressful.
I sincerely thank you for helping me and giving me something to help guide my emotions towards a better path with when it comes to opening up with someone.
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