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I used to think friendship should be unconditional. So that is how I gave it. I offered my friendship, with zero conditions, for people to take. But after living this long, through so many friendships where all I did was give, I've come to a different conclusion. I wonder if it is depressing to say that I now believe friendship is conditional. I can't always be the support beam in other people's lives. Who is supposed to support my weight, if I am busy holding everyone elses? My conditions are clear: reciprocation. That's all I need. I don't know why it is so hard to find that.
I'm really tired of this... I know I am not a bad person. I'm always trying to figure out if I am the one at fault. And I guess it's fair enough to say I am not innocent. I've made mistakes. No friendship ends from one person alone. I've been codependent. I've allowed people to use me. But I don't feel like I am really the villain they made me out to be. I have found one true friend. Someone who agrees to such a condition. And I have my family. They lived through it all with me. They don't think I was the bad guy. It's not like I've sugar coated my life. Not like I make it out to be something it isn't. It's not perfect. Why do people get to judge so harshly? Why am I always blamed?
Sorry, none of this makes sense. Keep hating me in the comments.
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You're a gem of a friend and person. People like you are hard to find. No none of us are perfect but I kinda feel friendship should be the same way unconditional unless they mess over you. And you shouldn't be the one having to be a giver all the time. Friendship goes both ways not one. You treat them well they should return it. That's how friendship works. Not obligated of course but if they care theyll treat you good as you do them. Unfortunately some people a lot are one sided and use you leave you and blame you for it etc. keep on being a good human being you're awesome and a great friend I bet xx
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