Torn

For as long as I can remember, the subject of family was a complicated one. One side of my family is horrible treating everyone they come across like crap while the other side ignores my existence unless they need something. Any other time they prefer my sister, who isn't even related. From either side, there are very few that I can stand to be in the same room as. Despite having such a big family, almost everyone feels like a stranger. Most people in my life, I could survive with just a phone call. My mom, my sister, and my best friend. They are the only ones I have really ever needed an in-person connection with. Not that my relationship with them is any less complicated.

The other day my sister and I went to hang out with my father's side, even though we don't really enjoy their company. But my uncle was in town and hadn't seen us in years, so I agreed to go. While we were with them they found out about my new job and where I am in life. While we were talking about it, I heard my uncle say that they were all proud of me. It threw me off so badly, especially since it came from the family members who ignore me 11 months out of the year and haven't done a thing to get to know me in years. And yet, it is more than even my own mother has said. Despite who it came from, it was something I thought I'd never earn or hear. I simply don't know how to feel. Everyone knows they're going to go right back to ignoring me. Treating me the same way they have for years. My mind tells me it wasn't genuine, that I can't trust it cause I can't trust them. But the inner child part of my mind still wants to believe in them.