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Life is bullshit right now, i moved from the old appartement where a shit ton happened, my ex broken nose, my od on ketamine, pablo who shat on the floor etcetera. Now I am living in issy les moulineaux, a rich suburb where a bottle of coke costs 25€ and a pack of beer (bud) maybe somewhere near to a thousand euros, I am not even kidding, there is no one in the streets it’s so dead but the asphalt is new.
It’s always weird to be in a new flat, considering the fact that I am so far away from everybody, 30 min of metro seems like half a day I mean what the fuck I wanna die, I miss my mom and even my dad! It’s weird.
It is still a mess from the moving, boxes everywhere, I even have a box (it’s cartboard) with some stuff from the kitchen like some “pasta” what a lame fuckin name for spaghetti because it’s not it’s the cylindric shitty stuff and there is fragrances like dior between all those shit stuff, clover leafs blablabla.
Maybe dying is the the answer, now I am on the 4th floor, I am woken up by the SUN !! Never happened before, but the downside is that when the weather is grey it feels like crap, cause you see all this sky, this big grey sky with clouds and dead buildings, I mean nothing is ever happening here, my life goes nowhere and it makes me feel gay. I am 30yo now 31 in a few months and I did nothing but shit, tsss I am so down, even I would not like to fuck me, there is no fire In the eyes.
And when I go out, I think about my dad’s sayings that I will talk about litteraly shit with my dumb friends that you cannot rely on, maybe you can actually I saw them sweating and I mean SWEATING while getting all my shit up to the 4th floor.
Some are nice I guess, anyway that’s what’s up, and those past months I feel so small so tiny useless piece of meat, when I see the ground it seems like it’s too close to my head like if I fall I won’t even get hurt, it’s shit. I really hope to read this text when I will feel better, it’s all a cycle but I dunno sometimes I feel like life got me, like in a 1vs1 life is choking me right now, some bullshit bjj stuff choking my fucking arms or neck and I am suffocating. Last time I went to Tom’s club, I got there fucked up at the closing and as they were saying insulted some people, thing is I never insult in a bad or mean way I just like to talk smack, I said something like “stfu the jew” to a guy, and actually guy name’s was something like David Cohen lol, well I am good at faces (feces, yeah I couple of weeks ago I had hemorrhoids, I was afraid of shitting)
In june when I got back from russia, I had a fight with my friend Vincent, I think it broke my nose, it’s straight but still, one of my nostrils inhales less good, even drugs that’s the issue! A week ago I was at Yannis birthday fucked up as always, said “nigga” to a “model” dude from LA or something like that, then a group of blacks started to argue with me blablabla you can’t well I don’t give a shit honestly, sad thing is like I’ve talk to some of them and it was a great talk but then they think I am a racist or something, of course I am, everybody hates someone. Fuck him, dressing like a hobo is now being a model, dude was weighting 5lbs gtfo.
Yeah, and Gabe, also I close friend I know since 20y send me a text saying I am an asshole talking about his sexuality, bro I love you everybody knows you are gay and who the f cares, anyway it’s all chit chat there is nothing interesting to talk about, it’s either I already know it either it’s not interesting either I am no surprised, cause people suck and we just … we don’t make anything new, there is nothing new, everything was already done or seen or lived, what do you want ?
I do want to make big things, I have a lot of ideas, but the time passes and I just start to feel like I am like my dad, who just talks and talks but ain’t doing shit;
And why is our family is like this, why we don’t do any chrismas or anything, why ? I don’t even know how it feels to be with my family, last time was at the graveyard where my mom was.
What the hell; and the worst part is when someone is inviting you! You are there all alone everybody watches you and deep down they think the same thing : “what a poor fucking orphan” yeah that’s what they think, they will never say it but this is what it is.
Yeah, I am watching the office US on the side pam is a bitch as all the girls from the floor, andy obviously need to choke on something soft and f die, thing is we are working for andy looking guys and fuck em.
Holly is ugly, I guess we all agree kevin is the man as creed, you know what it’s a popular opinion about a mediocre show fuck that.
(Jim is an asshole too)
Yeah and also, I felt too much emotions lately, like way too much I felt like a pussy. With the pseudo boys we talked about the movie Casino and Goodfellas, and obviously Casino is better, with more nice and subtil details, better photography and stuff but you need to be sensitive to feel it, you need to see the bigger picture, it is a big picture actually.
Yeah and also, at the party people were kinda laughing about my “style” I have no style bitch wtf, one was wearing slippers with fucking socks, I mean it’s not style it’s temporary cause a fucking dumb rapper did it, it’s not style my guy… it’s cringe. Mf was looking like an autist with his bigass glasses nerd snake dumbass looking lil nigga, he was also arguing about putting on two fragrances ?? Lol are you fucking dumb I really hope it was a joke cause cmon, it’s better to put one good parfum than two bought out of Snapchat you moron. Hope it was a joke. Pussy.
And about the word nigga, well it’s all you can stand for a fucking word, a word. Tsss your life is way worst than mine, cause blacks wers sold by blacks.
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This is long but i get you
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