I loved who you used to be

I loved you when you were 23 and had that light and joy behind your eyes. You weren't taking life too seriously. You laughed more than you frowned. Your skin was tan and your hair was long. I remember sitting behind you in the van, staring at the many layers of summers and winters that colored your hair the most beautiful copper I had ever seen. I remember when you used to say "yes" to everything. You used to text me regularly. You sat by me everyday in class. We traded candies. You brought me mushrooms and turkey feathers. You invited me into your home. You used to smoke and listen to music on your front porch. When did you get so serious? When did you lose that playfulness?

On the flip side, I've enjoyed watching you age. I remember that 8 hour day we spent together. I remember when you kissed me on the head before running across the street in the rain. We used to spend time together and one day, it stopped. I've been to your room many times. I remember how you sat on your front porch railing as the rain fell. I remember the way your lower back felt under my fingers. I'm so thankful I drank in those moments because I'll never have them again. They're gone, just like the youthfulness I loved about you. You were beautiful. In fact, you were one of the most beautiful men I had ever seen. You looked like a model. You still do. You were the best kisser I had ever experienced. Your scent melted my body and made me feel like I was home. You stood out to me more than anyone else I've known, even now. You made me forget about everyone else and that's such a rare thing. I've never had that before. It wasn't the sex. I didn't bond like that. It's something much deeper inside. Something sweet and pure that tames me. It's a comforting feeling way down in my torso. I would have been such a good woman to you. I would have treated you kindly. I would have honored your family. I would have made a lovely home. I would have cooked the most amazing dishes to feed you. I would have given you a quiet sanctuary to retreat to after the world exhausted you. I would have painted you a hundred more pictures. There isn't a man on earth that would make me look away from you. It's always been you. Even now, I carry you within my spirit. I can only hope that I get a true and honest second chance with you in another life. It's hard for you to understand because you haven't experienced a situation like mine. I met you too late in life, after my course was sealed for me. But you're the One. You're my person. You're the one who I look forward to seeing in my dreams--dreams that are always vibrantly colored and rich with lucid beauty. That's where you live in my mind. You live in my most beautiful and favorite places.

I'm so proud of you. I've always loved your spirit. I've always hoped you'd have found someone by now. I hope you have. You deserve the world. You deserve someone really great and pure of heart.