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I don't see the point in practicing mindfulness and all these things. They tell me I need to let my thoughts come and go like passing clouds, but I don't know. I feel like I'm at a point in my life I need to consider everything, and that's when I realize this is it, this is all there is. I'm going nowhere, I feel like there's nothing left for me to do. Please tell me you understand... I'm portraying a bigger meaning than it seems with normal eyes. Somehow I come back to reading these posts and I feel underappreciated and maybe makes me doubt myself about the meaning I put into things. Time is running thin. Science tells me we've been here for millions of years... well isn't that fantastic? It feels like too much and I can barely picture a couple of hundred years... The worst part of everything is how static everything is, like it seems to develop so gradually that it's ridiculous. Unfortunately we are alive now and I ain't gonna lie I understand this is how things are but at the same time nothing changes, but on top of that things are happening, like we are here existing at the present moment. I wish for all things good and perfect but that's a childish dream. I have many wishes but I'm giving up to the fact that things move so slow it almost seems they are not moving, it's so annoying and suffocating. This is truly it, like I don't know if it gets better, not to say things are good, I'm saying things are just things and they move ever so slowly towards their goal that I don't need it or want it anymore, not like this. Life was a mistake, that now living and ending it seem both like bad choices. If it ain't gonna last forever, that is so stupid. It will not be worth living once we are all dead. It's a sad thought, but it's true. Ideally things are meant to last as they are, but they shift so much and all they do is shift, that it doesn't matter if you are alive because you are going to go back to being stardust. Hypothetically, reproduction could never stop. But given the conditions, we are going to get all extinct. I hate life, things happening in the future do not justify the suffering from now!
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