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So here I am writing again.. but today I want to talk about me being jobless since 6 months after me quitting my job because I didn't "like" it!
So I have lots of things to learn for my next interview but I am lazy to open a book and study so here I am to tell you what I feel.
Ok first things first - I DO NOT REGRET QUITTING my job. I am happy and relieved. Because that's the job that gave me anxiety. Depression, add- on trust issues, make me feel like I am NOTHING.. all negative - it just gave me cash to live while it took everything else from me - peace of mind and me becoming a horror for my family and my new born due to job stress.
I was (atleast that's what the monthly charts and meetings told) the best employee with good ratings - but then since I was pregnant and away for 6 months maternity (in India it's legally 6 months) - they said they can't give me a promotion even though I deserved - and they gave it to my juniors especially what triggered me is that they gave 3 junior's promotion- 2 well deserved while 1 was utter useless and did nothing ! That's what triggered me after I came back from my maternity to this horror news ! I worked my ass off even with 9 month bellies on continuous 5-6 hours call without help and this is what they gave me in return?! Then on top of that - that manager left his job and another idiot came who MICROMANAGED us - which not all employees like and I was one of them! I mean we did good even without micromanagement or spoon feeding! And when I asked for promotion he said I'll have to "prove" myself! Also give an interview. Like what??!!! The promoted people didn't have to prove or give interview why should I when I "still" am the best employee?!! I hated that line of his! And since then I have been terribly fighting with him for every single thing - coz you know - I hate him now! Whatever come out his mouth I just hate it! So I left and I am happy.
But then I was happy for 2-3 months. Then the nightmare occurred. I was confident that I'll get the job anywhere but when I started applying and interviewing - I was failing bad at it - like real real bad!
I have give so many interviews- some got uninterested as soon as they came to know I left my job (then why even interview and waste my time?) and that led to horrible tough questions just so that I don't answer them and they get a reason to not hire me.
Then some women who came - who always want the answers they have in head but don't want to even try listening to what I want to say.
I agreed and realised eventually that my knowledge for the current world was not enough and had to grind - but the grinding was tough since everytime I did learn they would NEVER ask that part or anything related to it ! I was SOOOO unlucky and eventually got demotivated.
I fell into heavier depression and binge eating and becoming fat while my husband had to quit his job to get into a better company to earn my part as well.
I became a full time mommy now and have 0 hopes now - to be honest - my ego has been completely crushed and even if I did something good in my previous company that I left - I don't even feel like telling that in new interviews as if I was "actually" that good wouldn't I get the job easily ?!!
The real reason I find is that I became lazy Af to learn new stuff and now got a reason (by failing interviews) calling myself a looser to stay at home forever.
I hate that for myself. My husband used to respect me a lot for the job I used to do and how techie I was but now it's like he thinks so little of me and that I can't even pass an interview while he got the job in one go even though he didn't know half of the job he was hired for! He is learning now "after" he got the job. Wish someone gave me that kind of chance.
Maybe because industry doesn't appreciates married new moms and just finding excuses to avoid them.
Maybe I AM an actual looser who can't even remember stuffs that I learnt and prove it in interviews.
I am completely torn and have been insulted so many times in interviews and the embarrassment I had to face due to that in front of those strangers and my husband who was listening to my interviews since he was working from home - is just horrible!
And so I don't feel like applying for any job now. But I have a chance to prove myself again as I have an upcoming interview soon which can completely turn my life into a settled job. Knowing that makes me happy but learning makes me sad as I feel learning has taken me nowhere in all these times.
And that's why I have just pulled myself away from every friends I know.
What do you think?!! You too feel like insulting me or demeaning me or calling me out ?!
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Why because your hurting? Its not fault go to the interview you are not gonna get anywhere clunking around, maybe you'll feel better knowing you a least tried?
ReplyI think you'll get a job. Till then you can try freelancing I know it's hard but still, it reminds me of something I came across on the internet the other day, user testing, where you'll have to give feedback and they will pay you. I don't know if any of these will work for you, but all i want to say is that hang in there. Think about all these time you did something and you were right! Think about the time you got your previous job, think about the time you achieved so many things you never dreamt of. You are still you! And you know how to make things better, how to start again. So, have faith in yourself.
ReplyThese days job market is very down.Also everything is competitive.
So it's not your fault that they didn't hired you.
I can feel you ,it's insulting when they interviewed but later reject with nonsense reasons.
I personally noticed that the reycruiters or hiring team do desreminate. As they don't want to hire a female.
In most of the job portals ,I've seen "male candidates only" .
They have their reasons you better know.
You are experienced yet you are struggling. That's so terrible.
I don't know what kind of machine person they want to hire.
ReplyYour mental health is a priority. So if quitting gave you relief then you did the right thing.
As for getting a new job - in my experience it does require preparation. Read your resume carefully - for every interview you have make sure to pick out the work experience you have that is relevant to the interview. And rehearse answering the top 10 questions all interviewers ask. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
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