Now that I know what I want, I can't have it?

I'm just gonna spill it out... I'm an artist, but I could never study art or finish music studies because I was ill and didn't have enough money or good jobs. I'm still sick, but I have it under control (genetically, I have not enough serotonin so I drink paroxetine 20mg, and my psyche now is in a good place after graduating from therapy =) ~still, I will never be the same as before, since that "ill part" will be always be present and its troublesome since it's a "highly selfdemanding perfectionism").

So now I have 2 jobs: 1 or 2 days per week I help in a pastry entrepreneurship, and on Saturdays morning I walk a dog 2 hours and a half.

Money is not enough to live. I bearly can pay food and bath to my dog 🐕 (rescued 5 years ago ^_^). Living with my old parents it's almost unbearable, they are VERY toxic between them and my mother is quite toxic with me. My father is kind of absent. My two older sisters, well, one is 1000 km away and doesn't give a crap anybody, and the other cut ties with my parents (both ha e kids). So my days go between losing my patience with my situation and feeling desperate, to praying and reading 📚 to become a nun maybe (since I felt "the call" in 2021).

This is too much, isn't? hehe, no wonder why I'm always so tired 😴

and I didn't even got into details LOL

I just wish I could have the money part solved, not to worry about it anymore ú_ù

Thank you for listening.