Having No One Around You That Truely Loves You

I'm a person who never had an actual friend, who had parents that only care about themselves, that never had loving brothers. I never knew what love meant until I met this guy, he was the closest person to my heart. To my soul. We're not talking now. I don't wanna get into the complicated details into why we're not but he was the only, and yet still is, person who actually got what I am. Who I am. Why I do what I do. He genuinely cared.

I'm a person who's friends (the female friends) always stabbed me in the back. Always hurt me purposfully. Even my own mother was always jealous of me and didn't want me to do anything to grow because this would mean being away from her. She always chose herself. All my family did that. Always chose themselves. Never sacrificed anything for us. For me. I've never had someone look at me and think "I see the world in you" or maybe that guy did. I could see it in his eyes. In the way he listened. In the way he stared. But he never told me his true feelings. He sacrificed me. He left me just like everyone else does when they're done with me. They leave.

What was this quote about how some people come for a season and others come to stay in your life forever. But why does it seem like everyone that comes into my life is only for a season?

I was crying in the office the other day and my coworker noticed and he asked me if he can do anything for me even if it was personal. I told him it was ok.

Empathy doesn't have a place in my family and I think I feel lots of it. That broke me. To live with a heartless family while you're overflowing with empathy. It kills you.

But it didn't kill me. But then again the guy that saw the world in me. The only guy that ever truely respected me. The only guy I could feel the feelings I deserve from him also left. I can feel he doesn't like it but he's weak. He's not doing anything about it.

Is it crazy that I still think we're meant to be together?

Every time someone talks about what the right person feels like all I can think of is him. I always though he was the thing that will make me forget all my past pain.

All the childhood trauma and the emotional abuse and the betrayal from my friends that's why sometimes I still think maybe it will work out even when we don't see each other or even talk...

He was me. I don't think people experience that alot but still he let it go. He was scared. He thought he didn't deserve me but I don't think anyone deserves me as much as he does. He's special and he thought I was special. He never knew how he was the only one who saw me as special. He thought she might deserve someone who's better than me but why would he think they would treat me the right way? I liked the way *he* treated me why can't he get that? No one can top the way he stares at me

WHY WOULD HE THINK HE'S NOT WORTH IT

Why can't he tell it's been almost a year since we last talked and I still feel our connection in my soull

That he made me the happiest and he made me a better person too

That together we're magic. WHY CAN'T HE SEE THAT

I have faith in God. That he will give me this since I didn't get any proper friend ever in my life, a proper parent that actually cared about anything but themselves or anyone for that matter that truely cared.