stuck in a pertpetual cycle of falling off

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• Mirage · 1 year ago

  Middle aged male here...

  I'm fortunate in that I have two best friends (interestingly, they are not friends with each other) that I've known since my early days of school (one I met in Elementary and the other I met at my first job while I was in High School). We all live many hours apart now but speak on the phone from time to time and visit each other for a week every other year or so. It truly is a good feeling to know that, no matter what, these guys will always be out there for me. And they know, in return, that I will always be here for them.

  And you are correct, friends do come and go. I call the different time periods of my life chapters and I notice that these are typically the biggest reasons for the change in friends. I had school friends, and then I had college friends, later were friends from when I moved out of state, etc. Never did we have a falling out or end things on bad terms - life just moved us all in different directions, I suppose.

  But, having said that, I can honestly say that I can vividly remember a few folks that seemingly ghosted me for no reason at all.

  I remember, back in college, for example, this guy (we'll call him Casper) who shared many classes with me. When the instructor asked a question, you always knew that Casper and I would both have our hands up and would prepared to answer the question. We both excelled in our studies and it almost felt like we were in a competition of sorts. We were also both smokers so saw each other often, from afar, while outside the buildings for breaks. Enough time had passed that I finally approached this guy and introduced myself. We hit it off immediately and started visiting during every break. Soon after, we also started hanging out outside of school. We'd do homework together, play video games, etc. I was living at the dorm and he was living in a mobile home with his wife. I had been there several times. She was nice as well and we all got along. So this continued for the better part of a school year but I came out to do that typical break with my friend but he wasn't there. In the distance, I could see him walking around the corner of the building. I didn't pursue him as I assumed he was on the phone or running a quick errand. But, the next break was the same. And, that afternoon, when I messaged about hanging out - he didn't respond. Like the flip of a switch, he wanted to have nothing to do with me any more. It was so damn strange. I had not said anything ill about him to anyone else. He and I didn't have an argument. I didn't do anything mean to him. I didn't say anything nasty to him. I had not made advances on his wife. Etc., etc, etc. The list could go on but, the point is, I hadn't done anything to upset this guy and I just can't, for the life of me, understand what happened there. Flash forward many moons forward. I was sitting around one afternoon thinking about that situation with Casper and decided to look him up on this newfangled social media platform - and there he was. He was in a new town (same state) working in a position that had nothing to do with our studies so I was surprised to see that. I sent him a message explaining that I had missed him, that I didn't purposefully do anything to upset him, and that I was wondering if he could explain what had happened. He read the message but failed to respond so I just let the whole thing drop. So strange.

  And this, I can assure you, is only one of about five stories I have like this. Different characters, different towns, but the story is the same.

  Generally speaking, I think it's easier to make a connection with people who have similar interests as you. Sure, you can buddies with many people at work but, do you actually hang out with them after work? Probably not. But if you like playing having adult beverages and another buddy from work does as well, it could be that you two go out for drinks together from time to time.

  One of my hobbies is maintaining a reef tank filled with fish and corals. I brought in some little fish decorations for my desk at work and a guy asked me about them. Turns out, he also had a reef tank. And just like that, we started visiting to see each others' tanks and started swapping corals and hanging out.

  If you're work space allows for such a thing, maybe you can display a little something from your own hobbies. You may be surprised and what others you discover are into the same thing. A good, good friendship could develop from such a thing.

  Sounds like, as well, you're asking if you're just a very uninteresting person. To be honest, that would depend on who you ask. Some folks you know would probably say such a thing. We know this isn't true, though; it simply means they have different interests from your own. While some would call you uninteresting, others would call you amazing and it's that group of folks who want to visit with you often and be a good friend for life.

  I think friendship comes naturally and, often times quite quickly if you discover a connection. But true, deep friendship takes time to develop.

  We understand, thought you feel currently as if folks keep moving on without you. That does suck and we can understand why you would be in pain over such a thing. In time, just know it will work itself out and you'll discover a person, or group of people, you can really latch on to, be yourself, and enjoy your time together.

  Wishing you the very best in this situation...

  Good Luck...

  Mirage

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