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Do you think I’m stupid?
Do you think you’re fooling anyone?
Have you kept this lie up for so long, you really believe it yourself?
You’re not subtle. Nothing about this is subtle.
In fact, you make it impossible to ignore.
Of fucking course I notice the empty bottles, the stains, the hurried clink of glass every time I open the door.
How could I not notice when you’re stomping and stumbling around alone at 2am?
It’s not just the sticky broken-glass-encrusted messes that you barely cleaned, or the delivery boxes piling up in the hallway (“got a party planned?”).
The stains seep in to every part of your life. How can you not see that? Shit, I’d almost make a joke about rosé tinted glasses, if it wasn’t so fucking sad.
The other day I looked at you, really looked at your eyes, for the first time in a long while. The coldness there somehow felt worse than the anxiety I’d felt before - if the years of little things were rain, the way you looked at me was falling face-first on ice.
Why do you always insist on seeing the worst in me, and no one else? Why do you just passively accept scathing criticisms from anyone else, paired with a huge dramatic show of self-flagellation, and then only direct your anger towards me? You call me the wrong name every time you’re stressed. You dismiss me at every opportunity. When I’m sick or injured or upset, you immediately make me feel like I’ve done it just to offend you, personally.
Why do I still go along with your stupid game, keeping that elephant in the room under a cloth, when I know you wouldn’t do the same for me?
I know you wouldn’t have chosen this for yourself. I really feel for you. You’ll never listen to a word I say. I feel like I know what’s causing your pain. You won’t accept it, not from me, not from anyone you now I’ve spoken to. I don’t know how to help you. At this point, I don’t know if it’s even humane to try.
What would it look like, if you started living the life you want at this age? Does that uncertainty scare you more than the thought of drinking yourself to death?
A few years ago, I threw out all of the alcohol while you were away. I spoke to people I thought you cared about. You wouldn’t admit that you have a problem, but you promised to try all the same.
You just made more stashes. You didn’t tell anyone, but it was so excruciatingly obvious. “Bull in a China shop” comes to mind. There wasn’t even an attempt. I almost found it funny - I’d looked for advice online, and recovered alcoholics said “We’re excellent liars”. I mean, I guess, in the same way that someone squirming on the floor of a rave going “whaaaa-nooo, I’m not high haha this ain’t doin shiiiiii-“ is the world’s best actor. “Excellent liars” no, babes, you’re delusional ♡
I don’t say anything, because you’re committed to not understanding. I don’t say anything, because I know there’s no point.
But I know it’s not just fucking soda water in your glass.
If it was soda water, you wouldn’t be slurring your words while you talk down to me. If it was soda water, you’d be able to drive - no, stand up, even. If it was soda water, you wouldn’t be spilling it all over the fucking place while you condescendingly tell me “Shut up, it’s soda water, actually’.
Do you think I’m stupid?
Do you think I’m fucking stupid?
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Alcoholism is a medical condition - research it. In some places, it's even classified a handicap.
This person needs help, intervention.
Hopefully you are successful at helping this person get treatment, and that this person does his/her part in the treatment, and that down the road the 2 of you find reconciliation. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
Love...that powerful, invisible, intangible force that cannot be denied; even atheists live and die by it.
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