I'm rusting mentally ..I need advice and 3rd person opinion.. please help

I don't know where to start.. I've been a good student in school...topped in later half of my school life and was the school topper in 12th class...but lost my grandmother which came as a set back at the same time..the dropped a year to get into a medical College...and a year later I did ...then let me walk you through my medical college years.

First year was pretty decent... made friends, got immense freedom away from family, created a sophisticated image of myself...had no social media accounts...no attention from opposite gender...felt little irrelevant but it was fine...then COVID hit.went back home...there was this guy I used to talk to...who was flirt..but was the only guy who openly talked to me...and I liked the attention... we fought a lot... and reconciled eventually... slowly he apparently fell in love... confessed to me at end of first year of college when college reopened...i did not reciprocate, friend zoned him..but continue talking... couldn't concentrate very well on my exams.. performed average whereas others performed well...he also wasn't good at studie.

2nd year was the worst year of my life... friendships went downhill,and broke... friends made fun of that guy i used to talk to and told me not to talk to him..but i believed that he was different to me...and ignored their opinions.. publicly also we were seen sometimes... although I didn't like it much because of his worsed image as a flirt...then one day on his b'day he came over to my room...worst decision of my life... asked for me to dance...one thing left to another and we were lying on the same bed ..very close but nothing else happened...that day onwards he used to come to my house and stayed also... intimacy grew...but we never went third base... I never kissed him back.. and all this happened when we were not in a relationship...it was a bad year...and a tough medical school year... however exams came and I passed in all subjects he didn't...and in the same year another senior came to my life...who was amazing..best person...but I didn't knew at that time...in 3 Rd year ..first half was pretty bad...I was shuffling between 2 guys ..was depressed...not studying..not eating...lost 4 friends together...was miserable...and pitied myself...then one day suddenly I started to regret all the things I did with the first guy...i started hating him...and didn't want him...not that he was very serious about me... although he said so that he'll always love me and all that...but I knew I had to take a decision...so I left him...broke my friendship with him...and stayed alone miserable for a good few months...and eventually got closer to the second guy and then came in a relationship with him ..

That was the best decision I ever made....he was soooooo good to me... helped me out of depression and took care of me....this happened in mid third year...my condition improved and I gained weight..in a healthy way...and was very happy..third year finals went better than previous year ...then now I'm in final year... it's been and year and 4 months with that guy... he's the best....he doesn't know about the first guy....and what happened between us...and I prefer it that way.. because the past is past and whatever happened happened before we were in a relationship..

I've been very loyal and caring towards him since then...and it's the best decision I made

I did work hard this year but I'm not getting results...med school is tough guys...but my man's the best.. he helps me...but his love language is different from mine...

I'm not getting results in medical College so it's discouraging me and I don't want to study anymore...I feel discouraged and sad...and regret not studying....I want money...due to financial crises but I don't know how can I earn it... I don't have time to work part time... I can't remember stuff I study...and so I just give up and don't study at all

I don't know what to do... please whosoever is reading this .. firstly I'm surprised you've reached till here...and I pray for your health and happiness.

If you're reading this please leave a comment down below...and help me ..any advice will work ..I just need some 3rd person opinion... please write something to me.. please respond... please help... I'll wait.