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Dear me from the past.
If I believed I could really speak to you, I would have so much to say. I could talk about how much you would change. I could talk about what you should do differently, and even the things I miss now that you can still enjoy.
If I had all the time in the world I would cradle you in my arms and tell you it would all be okay. And it really will. But what I want to say is something I’m currently learning. So it’s not even something I could teach you. But maybe by talking to you now, I can measure the growth of how far I’ve come.
I’m not going to be sentimental and say you have a great life. I’m also not going to complain and say you have a bad life. You just… have life. And the thing about life is that, it doesn’t stop. And that includes in the background of the people you love. You get so wrapped up in your own world - and understandably so! But sometimes you get a sober reminder that maybe the person who served you last week at the shop is going through a divorce, or maybe your neighbour is struggling with a cancer diagnosis, maybe a person you love more than anyone in the world is struggling with a secret they can’t tell you. And in those moments, you will want to hang your head in shame for ever thinking your problems were anything to complain about. AND not only that, your heart will drop when you realise that you can’t do anything about it, that life will just carry on, and that you can only just BE there for them. You can’t take the pain away, and you have no choice but to go through it together.
One thing I really want to tell you. This is what I’m working hard to learn and keep in my heart always. Remember joy is not dependent on what you’re going through. It’s not dependent on the fleeting feelings of the day. You CAN and WILL have a joyful life. But that does not mean there will be no pain and no tears. You will be joyful even when you are sad.
The you that is talking to you right now, is very sad today. I’m feeling powerless. I’m sad about how I can’t take the pain away and with a click of my fingers make everything okay. I’m sad that I will continue to live my life -with it’s tiny insignificant struggles- while people I love are in pain. Life keeps going for you even when it stops for others.
Your life is good. I’m not boasting because of course there are problems. But you will be able to carry on with your happy plans and goals for the future. But spare a moment now and then to think of those who can’t do what you can, be grateful and be there for those who need it. At the same time, don’t put the world on your shoulders. You tend to feel other people’s pain as your own, but a balance is needed. (You’re still not good at that unfortunately…!)
Be with them when they need you, don’t forget them. But also remember you have your life, and there’s only so much you can do.
We’ll keep working on this together.
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This was really great.
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