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I grew up in an upper middle class family. My father works in a company where he is in the top management.
To explain my life in a simple manner I'd say, I had the access and connections to wealthy people but never the money to stand next to them. Being from an upper middle class family I had friends and family who were wealthy I was respected but financially I am nowhere near them.
I'm 24 years old about to turn 25 in two months. From the age of 10 I had one dream. To do my graduation in a foreign university and return home to and become an entrepreneur. Majority of my cousins have inherited well established businesses from their parents. None of them wanted to study abroad and to be honest none of them had the academic ability to study there. But in order to enhance their reputation their parents sent them abroad spending loads of money just for them to have a foreign degree.
I was a high school topper. I wanted to study abroad. But my father did not have the financial ability to send me abroad. It shattered me from the inside.
One problem with my father is in order to deescalate a situation he tends to make false promises and when it's time to fulfill those promises he completely shifts. That's his defense mechanism. He doesn't realize how badly this effects me.
When I was young he would say his office is everywhere in the world and whichever country I choose to study I'd have someone to look after me. But when it was time for me to go abroad he just said he doesn't have the financial means. If had just said that to me when I was young I probably would feel bad but I'd recover. But this broke me.
When I was in my final year of undergrad he told me to do my masters from abroad. I told him that I don't want to settle abroad, I just want to study there for a year and come back. He said he wants the same. Just when I finished my graduation and wanted to apply he said it wouldn't be worth it to study abroad if I don't plan on getting a PR and citizenship. It broke my heart once again.
I'm currently doing my internship. I hate it. I hate going to the office at a fix time, asking for permission everytime I'm sick, asking for permission to meet my family who lives in another city.
I want to be an entrepreneur. But I don't have the financial means neither do I have an entrepreneurial idea to start.
I'm 24 now. I've never had a girlfriend. I've been yearning for love all my life. But for some reason, I was never a suitable person for any girl I liked. I've many heartbreaks.
My dream was to marry early, have kids, be an entrepreneur and overall happy.
What makes me bitter is that my cousin who is a womanizer got married early, has a functioning business all thanks to his father. Whatever I prayed for in my life, I saw him getting it.
In order to sustain myself I have to find a job. A job is something that I don't want to do.
I'm tired. I've been the go to person for everyone in my extended family when they needed help. I am what the say the most mature person among my cousins. Yet, when it comes to peace, happiness and security my cousins are the ones who get it.
I'm lonely, bitter and to be honest feel like end my life. There's no point living if can't have affection. I've lost my hopes from life. All my dreams shattered just because I don't have the financial means. I feel paralyzed
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Your father should have saved the money needed to send you abroad. I wonder what he did with it? If a parent tells a child they are going to do something for them they should make sure they do it. Your life is all you have and if you end it you will have absolutely nothing at all. Anyway, you are too young to end your life and you don't know what is around the corner waiting for you. It might be something good. Don 't compare yourself to your cousins. Let them live their lives and you live yours. Look for a job that you will like. There are so many different jobs out there you must be able to find one or more that suit you. When you begin work save part of your wages and then eventually you will have the financial means to do what you like, and it might be an idea for you to do a business course and go into business for yourself. I wish you all the best.
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