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I don't know who to talk to I have had two doctor appointments that are not good news from the sound of things. I had some heart things happen so I went to a specialist and he thinks he knows but not sure so I have done two out of the three tests. From the people performing the tests it doesn't sound good and has got me even more scared I have one more but have to wait until Tuesday to have that done and the results with be on Thursday. They did an echocardiogram with a bubble test a couple of days ago and today was a ultrasound on my carotid arteries, you can hear and see there is a problem and both examiners gave me a look that makes me believe it's bad. I just left my doctor's and cried from my doctor's office all the way home which is a thirty minute drive. I can't talk to my family I feel like they don't care I get ignored or talked over on the daily even when it involves my health, everyone is more important and my sister in law is the worst she thinks my family revolves around her. I am broken and depressed thought of suicide and had more go on than anyone knows. I don't speak because either people are mad at me for speaking or ignored sometimes talked over and I have had enough of trying to rely on someone to talk to to help me figure out what I am feeling and to get it out my bottle is cracked and ready to shatter, not sure what to do anymore. I am just done I am over everything and if I have something serious they will never find out because I won't tell them same with friends that never talk to me. I am worried I am going to do something stupid with how scared I am of all this, I just had to get all this out before I did and before I harm myself I already hate myself for so many things in all my life there has only ever been three things I like about me and I hate everything else and the only thing that keeps me alive currently is the thought of hurting my nieces and nephews if I left and the hurting my parents would feel but I sometimes feel that at least I would be happy and not in pain anymore, but when I get to that point my family crosses my mind and I either stop myself or ask for help. I have been fighting my health alone for years now one gets it or understands what it's like to fight to stay healthy with a list of problems and medication that's takes almost two if not two pages to fill out front and back, now adding heart issues that caused my grandfather's death and hurt my grandmother and killed my other grandmother. I have just had enough of it all. I promise not to do anything stupid or hurt myself I just needed to let this all out.
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I wish for you to be well.
It really sucks having no support system while being ill on top of all the other stuff.
I hope you can live life proudly one day.
ReplyPlease find a counselor to talk to and if you can't find one yourself ask a doctor to refer you to one.
Reply