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There's only 2 reasons and 2 reasons only. I'm afraid that if I were smart, and I started to lack in education or anything, everyone would treat me much differently or that they would have such high expectations whereas I know myself, that I'm not able to reach. I have 4 siblings, 3 brothers and 1 sister. They are all very smart, they've been chosen for Valedictorian or Salutatorian. I wasn't even an option. My grades were lacking, they've always been 65 or 75 and I clearly didn't put enough effort. My parents didn't like me for that. All my siblings had a reputation and I had nothing. I was someone who couldn't be like my siblings. They were all older so teachers assumed I must've been smart and when I let them know with the first test that I won't ever be like them they hesitated to even pick on me to answer. There were a few times when the teachers knew that I purposely wanted to fail as I got 0 on my test and quizzes, they knew I purposely tried to fail. They called my parents to try and help me, yet my parents got so sick of me to the point I had got kicked out. I now live with a friend, she always asks me what's wrong. I don't say anything. My parents will text me here and there and ask for my explanation and I don't say anything. Maybe one day, I hope that they're able to see this. But one day, I hope they understand as well.
Thank you for reading, sorry if it didn't make much sense, but in short, I wanna be stupid over smart, that's really all.
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You know what, i truly understand how you feel.
ReplySorry my previous comment was posted unfinished, so yes, i totally understand how you feel. I was the top scorer of my class, well up until last year. My teachers, friends, parents, everyone praised me a lot. But this year my performance isn't going that smoothly, I got like 70% marks in my half yearly's and my final exams are in 2 months, and i haven't even finished three chapters (i have like 16 chapters to finish). My teacher always compares my performance to my performance from last year, saying the student that used to be the top scorer is now falling into the average student category. Well that is ture. But I don't care about the teachers and my classmates, who I care about are my parents. I have told them that my coaching and my school syllabus contradicts with each other, so I'm not able to focus. They don't say anything to me but I'm not certain how they feel about it. The main reason why my performance is so bad is that I totally feel exhausted, just straight up trying to fulfill everyone's expectations, I don't know what I should do anyone. So yeah, being smart doesn't always come with all good for you. You always have to fulfill expectations, and if you don't, they'll treat you as garbage. I am glad to have experienced both in my lifetime. And to be honest, I try really hard to study, but I just can't focus, not now.
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