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My friend has been harassing me and is now "best friends" with a 13 year old. How do I warn her?
5 months ago · 2 · Stress, +7 · Explicit
142
NEED ADVICE
We're in the 10th grade (I'm 15F). Short version of the story is that this guy (16M) sexually harassed me for months (since around march?), making inappropriate comments and even trying to slap my ass, kiss me (on the forehead), and hold my hand when I never consented to these things. Most of our friends found out and stopped talking to him, but now he's always hanging out with this 7th grader who sees him as a brother figure. I don't want to tell her for the sake of breaking their friendship, but for her safety as she's way younger and tends to hang out with other older guys as well. How do I tell her (or just help in anyway) when we've never spoken?
Long Version:
I was close friends with this one guy for about 4 years, and he very much portrays himself as a nice person. He's very religious and close with his community at church, he even joked about how he's glad he's different from other guys in our school.
The problem is that he's generally a very touchy person, he'd always put his hands around girl's shoulders, always try to hug them, and he'd even ask my one friend "hey, why don't you hug me when i see you? do you not like me?" I was one of the only people that were constantly close to him.
However, if he was already touchy with acquaintances/friends, it was way worse with me. He would tell me sexual details about him like how he liked to get off and how he had a mild porn addiction. I didn't know what to say to those so I'd just try to brush it off and be like "oh yeah at least you're aware I guess"
He'd also make SO many comments about how it "looked like we're dating" or "are we about to make out/fuck??" on top of that becoming even MORE touchy after I broke up with my partner. The week after I confided in him about it he hugged me (randomly again) and kissed me on the forehead. I was so stunned I didn't know what to say, and he just made some comment like "HAHAHA why'd i do that??" yeah, I wonder. And he'd constantly try to slap me (usually on the you know) as a "joke".
He's also incredibly pushy in general. He'd constantly call or text me to rant about his crushes and how they said hi to him or how he replied to their story and whatnot. But he'd make so many comments about how "beautiful" and "sexy" they were and how they'd get married. It'd be to a point where he kept trying to hold hands with this one girl he liked. I say he's pushy because he doesn't really take any of our advice. I told him to calm down with the hand-holding with his crush because first, it's probably making her uncomfortable, and people would say things about him and HER for doing that especially in school. He'd pretty much ignore it and kept doing it until they stopped talking. He said it was fine because she's also touchy (but honestly not to the level this guy was, and she'd also only hug/hold hands with other girls who were obviously comfortable and say its okay).
It took me stupid long to cut him off, but I finally did a few weeks back. It was a couple hours after school ended, and we were one of the only ones left. I got bored waiting for my parents and asked if he wanted to walk around the school. Then he "joked" if it was to look for somewhere to hook up. What. After that he changed the topic. We were joking around for a little while when he straight up told me he had a wet dream about me specifically. In that moment, everything he's been doing for the past months clicked. I needed to get out of there. I finally got picked up a very awkward half-hour later.
I cut him off everywhere, most of his friends have to. I told them that they didn't need to do anything regarding him, but they deserved to know before anything. They cut him off as well anyways, because they were either uncomfortable as well or didn't even know him much in the first place. He issued some "apologies" to us afterwards, because a good amount of my friends confronted him about it as well. It all summed up to him admitting it was inappropriate, saying he forgot HIS boundaries, but ultimately he wanted them to still be friends with him as "his only favor" to them.
They didn't fulfill that favor, pretty much all of the grade found out, and about 3 teachers currently know. He stayed alone for a while, but occasionally talked to his classmates, I didn't say anything since they already knew what he'd done, and it's not my place to tell others who to talk to of course. But in the past week two people in our friend group figured something out; Guy has a new friend. A 7th grader (13F) in our school who had mutual feelings with different guy in our grade. They've broken it off already, but I'm still concerned that she's friends with an (I suppose former) harasser that has a pattern of being overly touchy/obsessive with girls, and I don't think her being a bit younger will really stop him.
I've kind of figured out a plan to talk to her. By no means will I force her to cut contact but she's 13. She really needs someone who can look out for her, or even just to know what he's done. I can't leave this be given the chance that he's already constantly close to her such as putting his hands on her shoulders, and based on experience he can easily gradually worsen it until doing something extreme or even pressuring her to things.
As for authorities, I've already told the guidance counselor, and the vice principal as well as the guy's advisor know as well. They've been helpful during me reporting it, and they said they'll talk to him and I believe have started an investigation. However I still want to reach out to the seventh grader first hand as I don't know how long it'll take for them to do something, and they don't know about her friendship with him either.
Any advice regarding how to help out her since she doesn't know, (or even anything regarding this situation) is very appreciated. Thank you
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Tell her everything that you have said in this post and advise her to be wary of him.
ReplyI know you said that the school staff is investigating it but what in the world are they investigating? Are a girl's word not enough for them? I didn't read all of it so I might missing some points so pardon me. But the school authorities should inform his parents and you and your friends should tell them what he's done with the girls and teach him some respect towards the female. As for the 13 year old, there's no need to keep her in the dark about this. Some kids are not that mature enough to know what to do in a situation like this when they are being harrassed. Tbh if it happened in my school that guy would've been famous in the school(not in a good way). Even still if that girl has no idea what kind of person he is, someone should go and tell her to keep at least a bit of distance.
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