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The day I realised you were my best friend, my soul sister in a world of strangers, is the same day I almost lost you. It was easily the hardest day of my life, and I have not had an easy one by any means. In a big house all alone standing on my own two feet for the first time in my life 16-year-old me didn’t realise her world was about to change. It was meant to be a happy time, we just graduated high school together, 6 exams from the finish line, we did it together... almost. 7am, my phone rings; my stomach dropped, somehow, I knew whatever was coming on the other line was not going to be good news. I answered, telling myself it was just anxiety, then I heard the words "There was an accident... she was airlifted to a bigger hospital... it doesn’t look good" my entire world came crashing down. I hung up the phone, numb. Everything looked different. I couldn’t think straight, I decided to take a shower to try and destress. I stepped under the continuous stream of water, and everything hit me at once, like a train against a brick wall. I cried like I’ve never cried before; it came from the deepest part of my heart. I could’ve thrown up, everything hurt. I did not want to live in this world without you, I loved you. The flow of water stopped, and I returned to my numb state. I had to be with people, I couldn’t be alone.
The following week was horrendous, I couldn’t feel a thing, yet I had to sit exams that would determine my study options for the upcoming year. Pressure was high, but all I could think about was if you were going to be okay. I wore a ribbon of your favourite colour in every exam, so that I didn’t have to be alone. I picked flowers for you every single day. Being left alone in the dark was the worst part, I couldn’t do life without you. I was told it was only family visits permitted, but couldn’t they see that you and I were family, born from the same lifeforce. You were the only human that understood the way my brain worked, because yours worked in the same way. The days went on, still no change. 1 week after the final exam I was finally allowed to visit, I’ll never forget seeing you that way, kind of peaceful but I could tell you were in so much pain. I wanted you to live with every part of me, I knew you were strong. But was the suffering worth it? The doctor had a chat to me told me about you as if I couldn’t feel everything you were feeling, he opened your eyes and you looked at me. I knew you would be okay, I just had to be patient. That was by no means the end of the rollercoaster, they transferred you to another hospital in which I was not able to visit due to distance. I got told to prepare myself for the worst, but what could be worse than this limbo we were stuck in. 1 day from turning off your machine you fought with all your might. You showed them who you were. You made them regret even considering giving up on you. Thats my girl. You fought every day, relearnt everything from scratch. You may not remember meeting me or the years of our friendship prior but that’s okay I will hold onto those memories for us both. Every now and then I see a glimmer of the old you, I miss her. I love who you are now, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I wished this never happened. I did grieve a loss on that day, but I still have my soul sister earthside, and for that I am forever grateful.
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