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Everything feels like a chore but I keep slowly pushing forward. Trying to not get triggered or overwhelmed is a challenge.
5 months ago · 0 · Trauma, +1
146
Writing turned vent - Sun Dec 3 2023 2:50p
It's far from perfect, but I wrote up an updated synopsis of my current situation / brief backstory / therapy issues I've been trying to get help addressing. I emailed the writing off to three trauma trained therapists on Friday Dec 1. Supposedly the three therapists I emailed accept my current primary health insurance. I doubt anyone accepts the secondary, State of California Medi-Cal insurance (Medicaid). I can't find any therapists (or doctors) that accept Medi-Cal. I've tried searching repeatedly in the past. Then you call and are told they are not accepting any new clients. I can't afford an extra copay of $50 / week. I'm paying a $54 copay for my med management psychiatrist once monthly and once this health insurance premium mess gets addressed it'll be $303 more monthly. Add $200 for therapist copay plus parking, it's $600 a month out of pocket without a Supplemental insurance plan premium (this I'm completely lost if it makes any sense to pay for one or not. The whole situation is extremely frustrating. I wasted two weeks in Oct with the State of California Department of Social Services going there in person and getting no where, nothing was corrected. I'm very upset at myself for not advocating more for myself when I was there in person. I didn't want to get completely triggered even though after the amount of work I did putting together documentation more than merited or justified my anger when dismissed, everything being disregarded as irrelevant, nothing fixed or explained. It really angers me. I can't see how I can go back there without loosing it.
I found an independent health insurance broker who I'm trying to write a focused email to in hopes that possibly she can advise me somehow on a strategy to fix my health insurance mess. So far, my email is all over the map. I'm not progressing very well.
The problem which is very frustrating for me is I can't start discussing it without getting triggered, overwhelmed by everything resulting in heart palpitations initiating again. How can I address something if I can't discuss it? My idea is to have a written synopsis, ask someone to read it, watch a short video on YouTube which pinpoints the issue which is too overwhelming for me to verbally talk about or write about in order to quickly cut to the chase to see if they are qualified to help advice / address the issues. The issues are legal, statutory in nature for lack of a better way to describe them.
This writing is all over the map. I keep pausing and then coming back to it. As I reread what I've written I begin to get overwhelmed.
I can't do this anymore right now.
End of vent.
List accomplished:
Attended an online zoom dbsa support meeting Sat. Signed up to attend one today but am on the waiting list as it's full. I guess if room opens up they will email me. It's suppose to start at 3:30p. I always go out to my car to do any type of zoom meeting or even just any types of phone calls with anyone because there is no privacy where I live. Neighbors can hear everything.
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