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Dear reader,
I'm here and I'm here to let go. I'm here to give up. Lifes not enough.
Pray, pray with me, pray with me.
Fuck. how do I know, how do I know when to give up. Life sucks.
Turn around, be the light see the light. Nobody knows. Only myself. What I hear. Shameful thoughts, fuck these thoughts. Lifes not enough.
Show, show up. I show up everyday. Fake all that I say. Hatred runs through my veins. I gave all, and my what a waste. I lived a lie, I created lies. I was a lie. Still am a lie. Life fucking sucks.
Guilty pleasures I indulged in. To keep that dopamine level high. Adrenaline running through my veins. Life is great. But it's all a lie. It's all fucked up. Where do I stop and draw the line. Life fucking sucks.
Once I stopped, here comes the shame. The guilt the hatred towards everything. The depression. The loneliness know one can ever explain. Life fucking sucks.
Thoughts I cannot control. Feelings I cannot explain. Hatred towards the only one I ever truly loved. Gone. No more love. Just hate. Disgust. Trauma filled pain. Fuck love. Fuck life. Life isn't enough.
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I am sorry you feel this way. I agree with you that this life is an illusion but remember after every illusion or mirage , reality does hit. The illusion uncovers before you and you might realize there's no way this is my final destination. Sometime's there's so much bad happening in this world , we feel helpless and guilty. Sometimes our own life is the most messed up part of a story that doesn't have a happily ever after. Let me tell you every wrongful soul who's hurt you and others will get punished, the fact that you feel guilt means you are human and guilty pleasures are okay. It's okay to stagger sometimes , to not be perfect , to mess up. It makes you human and the guilt afterwards is a sign you feel for the world. You feel so much and I'm sure you help change lives , make them better. You are worthy of love and someone will care about you somewhere. You deserve to live !
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