i want to be more selfish

i feel like it has been too long of me putting other people first. people dont put me first, they dont consider me when they do things that may hurt me. no one gives a DAYUM. so what in the world am i wasting my time caring so much about other people and how they feel before looking out for myself. it makes no sense. i know i hate myself but when im angry like this i feel like i deserve more self respect. cause girl, no one else is giving you respect. they spit in my face and i just take it like an absolute wet blanket. im better off by myself and all of my friends who do support me properly and dont treat me poorly or ignore my feelings are welcome to stay. im so glad to be moving out and not living around these people anymore. this is just so aggravating. plus i have no one to vent to because this wouldnt be the first damn time i was upset about a situation similar to this and honestly i dont want to hear anyone else's opnion (that i know) on the full matter because i dont need rationale. i want someone to be angry with me and validate my feelings etc etc. my ride or die homegirl is no longer with us so i dont have anyone like that anymore. its unfortunate. i just want to be mean and nasty. i want to spread my pain like poison and hurt people. its wrong and i wont do it but that angry toxic part of me wants to pull everyone down with me, especially those 2. the two that spat in my face. the one that used and the one that still like the one that used me. fake lying rat. i gonna go on a joy ride blasting angry music and cursing the world cause thats how i feel. i DO NOT want to go home. i dont want to see her, converse with her, or even acknowledge her. shes prob gonna act off anyways cause she knows what she did made me upset. as it did THE LITERAL LAST TIME. shes fake and its obnoxious. go over again tonight hangout with that alll night again, give me more of a reason to be angry. lemme sit and fester in it you rat. you need the attention more than you respect me and my feelings and that is absolutely pathetic. attention seeking judgemental disgusting rat. since im not in the pictue when they hang out she can be the center of the conversation and attention cause all she ever wants. she cant just be happy for someone else, she needs to insert herself into. okok im done, im done. i need to get back to work. im excited for my joy ride. imma get a sweet drink or some soda pop or something. just to really seal the deal. idk it feels right. ive gone on angry joy rides before and i had a large wendys lemonade and it really hit the spot and fit the viiiiibe. thank you for coming to my ted talk