Feelings.

They often appears in my dreams.

The men that left my life.

They all have some sort of number, or a symbol next to them.

Mainly men have entered, and left my life.

Which I think is odd.

Maybe I wasn't meant to have a man in my life.

Maybe I have to be that man.

As a trans person, maybe I have to be that man that I need in my life.

Ya know?

I always thought 'maybe there's someone out there that is like me.

Someone that needs a person to comfort them.'

I am now a parent of sorts.

I have a lot of "kids" all from different stages of my life.

From when i was with different partners.

I love these children of mine.

My beautiful children, that aren't really mine, but they are.

I take care of them, comfort them, and promise them things.

I finally found out, that I was probably never meant to receive comfort, and love.

But I am meant to give it.

I am meant to give, and give, and give.

I am not supposed to take, take, take.

I am supposed to sit, and wait for someone to need me.

No sorry sorry sorry sorry must come from me unless they yell, and scream, and cry.

I am supposed to be completely, and utterly alone. While my children must thrive, and live life to the fullest. I am not good for many things at all.

I am good for giving comfort, and love. But not reviving it.

I cannot receive it.

if I do receive it, I will break.

It is not in my code to take love, it is in my code, however, to give it.