Ugly

I stayed up late again and woke up at 2pm. I agreed to my cousin that I'll go out today to meet her dad to say hi. My skins been really bad though and so has my depression and anxiety, I tried over and over about the right words to say to her that I changed my mind and wouldn't like to go without getting into to much detail as to why. She kept pushing though so I tried to apply make-up but couldn't finish it, I just stared into the mirror analysing the gross imperfections on my face and wanting to cry so i wiped it all off and hid around the corner and now I have 3 people telling me that's its not bad that I'm pretty/beautiful that I'm overthinking it that etc etc and I can admit that it could be worse ik but my brain just won't let it be so I walked into my room still hearing their comments and silently burst into tears trying to not let them hear me. My second 9 year old cousin keeps trying to barge in repeating what her mother and our neighbour friend keeps commenting. I wish they could understand that it's not that easy to just turn these thoughts off.