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Laying here, watching tv, but it is just noise at this point. I wish I was with you. Not doing anything special, just existing together in the same space. Maybe just holding you in my arms, or me with my head in your lap. Maybe watching a movie, or dancing in the living room. But I just lay here.
I have typed message after message to you, only to stare at them for minutes at a time, only to hit the delete key and put my phone down. I just want to talk to you. I just want to be a part of your life. That actually isn’t entirely true. I just want to be someone you WANT to talk to. I just want you to WANT me to be a part of your life.
How easy it is to get lost in the fantasy of you loving me. Of you wanting me. But at the same time, it is also so easy to get discouraged. I would be lying if I said I didn’t want the fantasy to be true. Because I do want my fantasy of a life together with you to be my day-to-day life. But there are so many hurdles in our way. It is simple on the things that could go wrong. I need to start focusing on the things that could go right. On the things that help me believe that you do love me, and we will be together. It is very difficult when my brain keeps going to the negative. Like Garth says, “tell me what I got to do to paint me in your perfect picture.”
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What are the hurdles? I say go for it!
ReplyWe are both married to others
ReplyUse proper communication
Reply