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I am a young teen girl who is autistic and had generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). I am not self diagnosed. My parents tested me when I was nine and thinking I would not know. They told everyone but me. I told my therapist about it and how I get anxious. She told me that I had GAD. It makes sense tbh because I always knew there was something wrong with me.
Only a couple of my friends know about this. I am not in any special Ed classes. I have some trouble focusing in school. I have meltdowns easily. I pick at my skin a lot. I have a hard time explaining shit. After my parents did that, our relationship got a little worse, because sometimes they will make jokes about how skinny I am and the have done some fucked things in the past. Sometimes I will get sad or very upset, and my mom acts like she cares when she doesn’t give a fuck. I once got bullied school and she emailed the school (which is understandable). It was embarrassing and she acted like she was a hero or some shit. I once said “I don’t care if his dad doesn’t love him it doesn’t give an excuse to be mean to me.” Sometimes like that. She lashed out on me and said “you are lucky you live in a great house hold.” And whatever. So it feels like nobody gets me.
Not to sound like a snowflake or a cry baby but jokes about autism makes me so fucking annoyed. Like the jokes “Are you acoustic or sped” or “are you restarted” At that point I would rather you call me a slur and tell me to die.
Socializing at the school is the worst. I get scared I am being too annoying or weird. I stay quiet at school, but ofc I talk to my friends. I have never really dated anyone before. I used to talk to a guy but he was a player and also he said some odd shit to me. There was a popular football player who looks way older than he is. He was really nice to me last year, he made me feel comfortable. He stopped after a while. He sometimes says dumb stuff about me (like all teen boys do nothing offense, like he will come up to me and ask me some random ass question. I am used to it tho.) I was a bit strange last year and I have changed a lot. He has the worse friend group ever. They aren’t mean to him. I can tell he has mental health issues, his friends kinda joke about it. He has daddy issues also. I used to have snap and he would vent about his feelings on his story ( I could tell he wasn’t doing it for attention.) I texted him one day and asked if he was okay. He stared at the text for a bit and said “mhm” sometimes I feel scared for him but I don’t want to go near his friends. A lot of my friends told me that he probably likes me in a friend way but doesn’t wanna be friends with me because I’m quiet (FYI my friends did not mean it in a mean way.)
I had another crush we became friends and it lasted for a year and 2 months. On the last day of school I told my friend to tell him that I liked him because I chicken out. He seemed happy and said he knew it. It made me so happy we did not talk to the whole summer. When I got back to school I do not have any classes with him and he got a gf it made me really upset. But now I am kind of happy that we did not date because a lot of girls have told me that he’s weird. But I kinda hate it at the same time, i feel so outcasted Andy lonely.
I used to hurt myself and I am 5 months clean but I don’t regret it. I hate being autistic, I hope someone relates.
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