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When I was little I was too naïve to realize how bad my mom was. She would hit me and lock me in the dark pantry and I blamed myself. Now that I’m a teenager and I am smarter (as in I have the number for cps on standby) she hasn’t hit me a few years. That’s never really been the problem though. My life is different than most other kids. My mom forced me into sleeping in the same bed as her since I was like 11 years old. I kept trying and kept asking to have my own room (our house has 5 rooms so it’s not a space issue) but she kept telling me “your my little girl you need to sleep with me” finally eventually I started sleeping in my own room. I go to a Christian private school and I’ve always gotten the best grades. I’ve never done anything bad. The worst thing I have probably ever done was give my friend test answers. That’s how innocent I am. I’ve never had a sleepover before, and I’m not allowed to have sleepovers.It’s killing me. I have no one to talk to about any of this. Every time my friends ask if I want to have a sleepover I have to make up some stupid excuse. I’ve been friends with the same people for a few years now. Every time I make an excuse on why I can’t come to their sleepover it gets more and more suspicious on why I’ve never had a sleepover with them. Don’t even get me started on boys. If I even look at a guy I’ll get my phone taken away. EVERYTHING I DO I GET YELLED AT FOR. If I stay in my room for to long, YELLED AT. If I get a low score on some school work, YELLED AT. If I can’t read her mind and now what she wants me to do before she tells me, YELLED AT. Oh and I made the mistake of trying to ask for something for Christmas this year. Nope never doing that again. She made it very clear that I won’t be getting any Christmas presents. Imagine one day getting your phone ripped out of your hands and your mom looking through everything. I didn’t even do anything bad, I had nothing to hide. Yet somehow I got my phone taken away for 4 months because I saw some cuss words through text.
I’ve thought about taking my life before. I know I never will but that just shows how badly this is ruining me mentally. Oh how I can’t wait to move out and live my life away from her. I’ve tried to ask for a therapist. Apparently according to my mom therapist are a scam and she said “why on earth would u need a therapist?!” So yeah. I’m pretty sure I’ve developed OCD. I don’t even know if that’s possible but um yeah.
I’ve struggled through body issues a lot. During covid when no one was really going out much she called me fat a lot. To the point where I lost like 10 pounds and still can’t get it out of my head. Then the next day she shoves food down my throat because I’m too skinny and I need to eat more.
If I have a different opinion, oh I’ll never dare to say it.
4 and a half years and I’m out of this place.
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