just

I am just faking my interest in a music career, it's an attempt to sustain my childhood; my dream is a dead mouse and I continue trying to shock it to make it alive again.

I also feel like I feel too sorry for myself. I need to stop thinking about myself all the time; too much self pity. If you think about why you suck then you'll suck all time, does that make sense? Actually I think with intense self hatred comes intense self love, as a counter balance/survival mechanism- you have to reason to yourself why you don't suck worse than the worst person in the world and the only redeeming thing is being the best in the world.

Self love is really gross though, so I'm just bad in both ways