What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
Hey, I can't even deal with this. I miss us hanging out as kids. Those were the happiest times of my entire life. The way we laughed at everything. The way we were happy and positive and naive and so full of life. I cried of laughter so many fucking times from our dumb games and jokes. I miss those the most. You were my everything. My beacon of light, life and joy. Us and our pets. My lovely babies.... I miss them so much it hurts everyday. How they always stayed with us mostly, choosing to stick and cuddle with us. Even when we were obnoxious. But they loved us so much. As we did them. I was so inspired. So creative, so full of ideas and smiles.
I can't tell you all this in person on a deeper level because I know that it doesn't mean to you as much as it had meant to me all this time. Even still, years later, I cry for those times. I am so much older now, colder, serious, sad and angry. And I know in my heart that I will never have that again. How I wish I could go back. Even when times were tough back then, we always had each other's backs, our pets and our jokes. All of that saved me then. And I wish you save me again. Truth be told, I am losing myself. Not to the point of no return, but it seems scarily close. Yeah, I am scared. Scared and saddened and angry that I lost that part of myself. Who I used to be. Especially with you. I feel like that was the purest me, that no one really knew. But with you, I could just easily be my silliest, happiest, weirdest self and not feeling judged. We were so freaking happy, do you remember? But now, you might be just as happy as then, with different people and as different you. And I'd really like to say that I am happy for you, but the thing is, I must be a terrible person because I don't feel that way. I just can't. Call me selfish, and I probably am, but I want what we had. I want myself to be happy. I wanted us to be happy together, stick together like we always said. But you changed and you found other things to make you happy. I didn't. And I'm aware it's my fault but I'm so hopeless, so afraid, so negative. What I never wanted to be. In our youth, I always thought that we'd be best friends always and forever, that you would never abandon me, even when the voice deep inside me told me otherwise. Why is my life shit now? I lost the people I cared about the most who don't care about me anymore. Nothing is helping me, not that I am even searching or asking for it...
What I really want to know is why. Why don't you also want to have what we used to? Why did your wishes change so much while mine stayed the same? I am hurting so much and no one even knows. I am so tired. I don't know what to do, everything feels pointless and I feel dead inside except the grief I feel.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
I exist apparently
I'd appreciate a "good morning" text or "how's it going" text from someone... instead of me initiating. But it won't change even though I've...
-
I can't handle reality I just want to dream
I want to figure skate so badly but I can't afford it. It's my passion but it's so expensive. I've wanted to for years. I love it and as expected I watch a lot...
I feel you...My best friends and I drifted away and I feel lost ever since. No other friend I try to make just doesn't feel right. I ain't having fun with anyone. And I can't really be myself with anyone either. It sucks. I hope you get better soon and find happiness 🥹
Reply