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A neurodivergent teen girl. What do I have? Not diagnosed.
3 months ago · 0 · Neurodivergent, +2 · Explicit
100
It all started in fifth grade. It was the peak of the pandemic, 2020, and something happened that year. I started becoming intensely aware of myself and my relationships, and terrified of socializing. Right off the bat me and my family knew I had (social) anxiety, since it was genetic, but that wasn't the only problem. My brain started to get weirder. I found it hard to start and finish things, I lose focus a lot, I had trouble with social cues, I started getting super focused on things I liked for a bit and then getting bored of them after a while and hyperfocusing on something else. At ten/eleven years old I told my parents I thought I might have ADHD. They thought it was ridiculous and I was just finding things online. It took some wearing down, but eventually in my 6th grade year I took some tests and got teacher feedback and whatever, all while researching about ADHD online. When I went to my doctor's office (not a psychiatrist or psychologist, just my average doctor) to talk about the tests and all that, I remember having a meltdown. Why? Because I remembered seeing people's stories online of how they got told that because they had great grades and they were well liked by their teachers, they couldn't possibly have ADHD. And that's exactly what my doctor told me. He said he thought I had anxiety/depression and wanted to medicate me for that. Afterwards, it took me a while to convince my parents that despite what happened there was definitely something wrong. Over covid, my parents grew more perspective of the world, and looking at our family history of being neurodivergent, we decided to get me tested for autism. I was twelve at the time, and the rest was definitely made for younger children then me. At one point, the tester asked me to make a scene or commercial with a bunch of toys, and after I stared at her uncomfortably for a few minutes we ended up not doing that. The test ended up getting me actually diagnosed with anxiety by a psychiatrist, but it was actually the second time I had been diagnosed with anxiety and it's never been specified as social anxiety for some reason when, yeah, it definitely is. Afterwards, my parents and I were still convinced I was neurodivergent but we couldn't do anything about it at that point so we just worked on getting medication for my anxiety. For some reason, the more common medicine like hydroxyzine and busperin (busperin isn't made for every-day anxiety but I digress) didn't do anything for me, but antemoxetine has worked pretty well to help me socialize. I still have a large amount of social anxiety but, I mean it will never fully go away. Now I'm thirteen, fourteen in April, and I'm fully convinced, and so are my family, friends, and a few medical professionals, that I have a neurodivergency but I don't pass any of the tests and nobody knows what it is. It sucks, because I'm having a really bad time in school and it'll be worse when I start highschool this August. I just want help, and a god damn explanation to what's wrong with me. The funniest part? During covid, when we were trying to figure out weather or not I had ADHD, my dad got curious because he realized that he related to a lot of the ADHD stuff we were learning about and he decided to get himself tested, especially for the whole genetic thing that ADHD has. He, my male father, got diagnosed in less than a month. A month! "Well, it's not a sexist thing because it took him to 40 years old to get diagnosed!" HE MASKED AS MUCH AS I DO! Also, when he grew up he didn't even know what a neurological disorder was! It was the 80s-90s and he grew up in the middle of nowhere! It's not just that I'm a girl though, it's also because I'm smart and mask and stuff. Just ugh. Ughhhhh. I don't want to suffer through school anymore! I just want to understand why I'm so weird! This is awfully vague because I don't feel like going into detail lol.
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