repost (^-^)

I just know things are always gonna be the same . My life is always gonna be the same . It wouldn't change whether i move place , countries or try to change me . I'll always be that introverted person who would be left out . I got a second chance to change and i think it was better than last time but I was still the same. Eventually I got left out. Maybe I won't meet my people . Everyone has their own people. I'm jealous .

The people I thought who were my people . I'm not so sure about them anymore . I know they wouldn't pick me in room full of people. They have their people. I have always been treated as second choice to people whom I treated as priority. They would only talk to me when they had no one else. They would talk to me in their free time while even when I was busy , I would free up my time to talk to them. It's true that I have no one other than them. The people I care about always have their favourite person while I'm just a backup.

But I have always been a second choice to my family and friends. I'm so used to this. Wherever I go , the same thing happens to me. Maybe this is my faith. I don't have anymore hope to life. It's always gonna be the same no matter if i change places or change my personality.

Sometimes I believe my faith would have been different if I was more prettier , talented and useful. So I don't even know if it's worth living anymore. My life has the same destiny so what's the point ? I wanna die but deep inside I don't wanna die. I want someone by side when I'm happy and sad. Someone who could put up with all my mood swings and tantrums. It doesn't have to be romantically but at least platonically .