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I forget absolutely everything.
My water bottle,
my homework,
my backpack,
what day it is.
The world just blurs together,
and time is a mushy slob of potato salad in my brain
that I'm not really sure what to do with.
They always let it slide the first few times.
But when i keep forgetting
and keep messing up
and keep misplacing it all,
they start to look at me weird.
“How did you do that?”
“Again?”
“I don't understand!”
“Dip-shit”
“Dumb-ass”
You playfully toss those words at me,
but they kind of sting my hand
when I catch them.
I know I'm a clutz.
I'm aware of my forgetfulness.
It's not on purpose, I swear.
It concerns me too.
Please, can we talk about something else?
I know that i think and say a million thoughts
that don't always make sense out loud.
I know.
Sometimes it feels like people
only perceive me as a quirky little adhd kid.
They think of all the times i messed up
and I worry that they are genuinely annoyed with me.
Its my greatest fear,
losing my memory.
I can't control it and it's absolutely terrifying.
I stay up at night thinking of all the beautiful
moments that my dry erase board brain
has wiped away.
I will literally forget to eat.
I will forget to take care of myself.
I will forget that it is 1:00 in the morning
and I still have school.
I will forget that I have homework,
and I will rush to do it before class starts.
Because that's just how it goes.
And they will laugh at me.
With me?
I don't know.
And I will laugh it off with them.
But my laughter is faltering.
And I'm tired of being the forgetful one.
I'm tired of people looking at me weird
and laughing at me.
I'm tired of being looked upon as irresponsible.
Because, they ignore all of my achievements
and focus on my catastrophes.
I’m just really fucking tired.
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