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Now I'm crying on my bed
Mental breakdown, 2 am
Will they ever love me for exactly who I am?
They say that they've got kind hearts,
But all those glares and snide remarks
To strangers who are exactly like me.
Well, I don't go anywhere, I'm too scared to ask.
They watch what I do, what I say, how I act.
My brain's running everywhere, dark corners of my mind.
This is what I mean when I say "I'm fine."
My thoughts are getting scary, but they do this all the time.
How high up is that window? If I jumped, then would I die?
What is fucking wrong with me? I'm so far from alright.
Would anyone care if I just disappeared?
I want to cry but I can't, the tears
Just won't come. And I'm failing all my classes, it's too much,
The goddamn stress won't go away.
My soul is broken, I'm dead inside, I'm not fine.
My smile's still there but it's shattered, I just want to die.
I toe the line between death and life,
I'm just hardly holding on, it's not alright.
I'm a goddamn disappointment to everyone I know.
I knew I never should have cared but it's too late to let it go.
I wish the yelling could stop and for once they could be proud.
The voices in my head are getting so fucking loud.
I can't take this for much longer, I'm afraid to just let go.
Should I let go?
Should I find a bridge and fall, leave my fate in the hands of the Lord?
Should I stay, just a shell of myself, but keeping my word?
I promised I would stay, but at this point, does it even matter?
I fuck up yet again and my mom just keeps getting madder.
I've dug myself into a hole so deep,
I'm stuck in a goddamn abyss.
Whatever comes after, heaven or hell,
It's got to be better than this.
Hey mom, it's not cool to make someone feel worthless.
She just keeps yelling and screaming about how I deserve this.
I am nothing. No better than the dirt on the ground.
I'm yelling and screaming, but no one hears a sound.
I cry out to the Lord, praying for him to give me a sign.
I'm crying, clinging to a supposed lifeline.
But I've never felt more alone, I guess I was mistaken.
Kicked to the curb; lost, alone, forsaken.
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