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I feel like I've just been going through my life holding back tears and doing whatever will lead to a convenient and decent life. I'm working towards goals I don't even know I want and I'm using reading to distract myself from the fact that I don't have any connection to society or being a person. I feel like a book full of poetry but it's not happy, it's just depressing poetry that feels like drowning under crashing waves, or standing on the edge of a cliff on the ocean-side as it rains. I feel full of misery and rain and empty of sunshine and anything happy.
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