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Hello to anyone that reads this. I hope you're doing well. I cannot say I am in the best state at the moment, but I'm hoping that venting might help.
There are so many things I want to say but I don't know how to express it all.
Lets start off simple with a question.
Do you ever just wish you weren't you?
I almost feel like the world has a vendetta against me. Maybe its deserved, maybe i was a horrible horrible person in one of my past lives or something. I just cannot understand why it seems like everything works out for other people yet I'm always left disappointed.
Its like a girl gets the guy type thing and then I'm left to the corner. Except its like that in every aspect of my life not just romance.
My classes are not nearly as enjoyable as they were last semester. I'm not as healthy or skinny as I was last semester. The people in my classes are completely different and not in the exciting fun way.
The guys that I've been talking to either only want sex, will agree to be friends then ghost me, or have a whole 2 hour long chat with flirting and bantering and then proceed to tell me that they are interested in another girl and are waiting for her to choose him.
Why can't I be her? Not specifically that girl, but just the girl in general that gets everything she wants. The guys, the grades, the friends, everything.
And look I do think I'm pretty, that is not what this is about. I just want to be someone worth loving in more than just a friend way or for my body.
I am also so sick of always planning the next step. I'm constantly worried about if I'm behind, or if I won't be able to achieve my goals.
I just wish for once I could just be. I don't want to be dead, but I don't want this type of constant struggle.
Sometimes I wish there was a restart button, and if I could do it again I think I would.
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should I continue?
okay so I have over 40+ quotes that ive made up . Then after the amount that i realized that i have, i was going to write a quote book. here's one of my quotes...
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No motivation to work for school |TEEN VENT|
I don't really care about my future. I don't have any dreams. Sure, that's fine. That's okay. I have such a good life. No siblings. Nice parents. Privacy. C...
please don't ever think you're a horrible person, you are such a beautiful strong human being and I am so proud of you for everything you've done. It's not in any way your fault how people are treating you. I don't care if you're not as skinny as you were, you are and always will be gorgeous. some people are just too blinded by sex and quick hook ups to realize what actual love is.
you are deserving of love and acceptance. I'm so sorry that you feel this way honey, you shouldn't have to be on this website to vent your feelings, but I'm glad you're here. sometimes we just need a minute to talk. I'm here for you.
ReplyYou have no idea how much this helped. Thank you <3 You're a lovely person.
ReplyHey there, I'm sorry things are tough right now. It's okay to feel overwhelmed. You're not alone. Reach out to someone you trust. You're worth love and happiness. Small steps can make a big difference. Hang in there.
ReplyI watched an interesting documentary once about the checkout lines in shopping centers. Essentially, it was documenting why the others lines always seem to move faster than the one you are in. Long story short, you are comparing the line you are in to several other lines of customers around you and it's not likely, given the number of lines available, that the one you are in will be the fastest. Ten horses in a race...but only one of them gets first place. This is easy to spot if you have customers checking out just on either side of you but becomes more evident if you can see several checkout lines on both sides of you.
In this, I think it's easy to know that, when you compare yourself to others, you're likely going to feel you're "missing the mark" in some way. Just like our last example, it would be easier to fall into this trap if you're comparing yourself to a large group of others. From your story, it sounds like you are.
For your story, though, we aren't speaking to a checkout line at the market, you're looking at very specific items in your life. If you are comparing yourself to a large group of others, it's likely at least one of them will be thinner than you. Comparing yourself to this large group of others, it's likely that at least one of them is getting a guy you find attractive and may be interested in speaking to. Some will likely have better grades, seem to be excelling (generally speaking) more with school or life, etc.
It may be time to try an exercise where you try focusing on the cool items in your shopping cart as opposed to how quickly the other checkout lines seem to be moving.
I'm a bit older and have seen the mentality of folks as they get older. It seems that, the younger folks are, they more they feel the need to impress others. It's important, I suppose, to feel superior to those around you or for your "click" group to be "better" than other groups at school. During the days of college, I can remember people grouped more based on their interests (video games, role playing games (like D&D), sports, cheer, shopping, tech folks, etc.) and they never really seemed to bother the other groups. In turn, they didn't seem to let the others bother them. Still, I think most though - why don't you like video games? Why don't you all like sports? How could you not like shopping? Etc. Still, I suppose this was better than the high school days. And later, when all the schooling is done and you start working with actual adults (not talking about the entry level positions where you are surrounded by other drama driven teenagers), you find that adults are generally more interested in just having a good time. They seem to be very open minded and passive on things.
I've said all of that to say this - I think this will be just another chapter in your life story. In the next chapter, the folks you interact with will most likely be older and easier to deal with. Until then, you just have to understand that you are a unique individual with your own characteristics, interests, and needs. These are all different from others that you know but that doesn't mean they are bad, or wrong, it just means your different and that's quite normal.
I'm not sure that you'll read any advice here and wake up on the following morning feeling any better about any of this. You'll likely get to a place and think - "Oh, there's that guy I like who seems to be trying to connect with this other girl." or "Oh, there's that girl who is skinnier than me." I'm not sure but would assume this would likely be the case.
I think, though, if you can keep all of this in mind, it could slowly go away as you try to focus on the good things happening in your life. Bad stuff will happen, true, and you need to own that and deal with those situations as they arise, but it's best to not dwell on them, carry them with you every where you go, and let them pile on top of one another. At some point, you'll have a lot of self doubt on your shoulders and it can be difficult to deal with, mentally.
No matter what happens, know that many of us are wishing you the very best in whatever comes of this situation!
Good Luck!
ReplyI'm going to add to my last post which, presently, is being reviewed by a moderator I suppose. Hopefully these will list in order but, if you've not seen my first response, please read that first.
I'd like to add that while not all horses can come in first place for a race, we have to also understand that they call can't come in last either.
What you may not realize is that your checkout line is moving faster than some of the other lines. It may not be the fastest of those you are comparing yourself to, but it's certainly faster than other lines. Mathematically, if there are only three checkout lines, you have only a 33% chance of being in the one that is the fastest. That means that 66% of the time, at least of the checkout lines adjacent to you will move faster.
But we have to understand that your line is likely not the slowest, either.
This means, in translation to your own story, that others are comparing themselves to you as well and wishing for things about you, or in your life, that you likely take for granted.
There must be many other people who are wishing they were as thin as you, had grades as high as yours, drove a car as nice as yours, wish they had your hair...or your smile, would love a demeanor as nice as yours, etc.
So again, I think you can come to terms with the fact that others are wishing they had the things you have in your life.
Again, wishing you the best in this situation.
Good Luck!
ReplyThis really put things into perspective for me. I'll definitely try thinking like this now because you're right I definitely focus on the negatives and am always wishing/figuring out how to become better, and by doing that it seems I sometimes forget to focus on the good. So thank you for that reminder.
Also thank you for taking the time out of your day to help me.
ReplyYou said that you are always wishing/figuring out how to become better and I can assure you that I'm in that boat with you as well.
If you research this, you'll find that research has proven it's not a healthy way to live because we are setting ourselves up to always seem "unfulfilled". That may be true but, reminding you that I'm older, I have to wonder where I would be in life if I didn't have that mentality.
The first place I lived after moving away from home was a small apartment in a bad neighborhood. We had NO furniture, NO dishes, NO cookware, etc. Slowly, we got those things and, later, moved into a better apartment in a better neighborhood. Later I got a nice apartment and started taking vacations. My vehicles got nicer, bought a small starter home, etc.
And now I find myself living in a very nice home. We drive nice vehicles, take vacations, and enjoy entertainment.
We aren't rich, I can assure you, but we pay our bills on time and have enough money left over each month to do fun stuff. This is probably the natural order of things for most but I have to wonder where we'd be if I didn't have that mentality. It took a lot of work and dedication to get here. Would we be living in a bad neighborhood? Would be able to take vacations? Would we live in a smaller home? I don't know.
All the while, though, I was always doing it for me. Later, when I started a family, I was doing it for us. But I don't think I was ever doing any of this to "keep up with the Jones's", as the old saying goes.
Take note that it may be unhealthy for you to have that mentality but also note that some folks, like me, live in that state and it's worked out just fine. Ha. I can only hope the same for you.
Good Luck!
ReplyThis really put things into perspective for me. I'll definitely try thinking like this now because you're right I definitely focus on the negatives and am always wishing/figuring out how to become better, and by doing that it seems I sometimes forget to focus on the good. So thank you for that reminder.
Also thank you for taking the time out of your day to help me.
Reply