for anyone struggling right now, this is for you.

Hi there stranger. I hope you are doing okay, whatever you are going through. Just to give you some context, I recently went through a breakup that lasted 7.5 months, which was the longest relationship I have ever had. It's been two months since the breakup, and I have been struggling a lot. I have cried a lot, felt alone, and tried to maintain no contact with my ex three times, but I still relapsed. This breakup has been particularly difficult for me because my ex was my friend before we started dating. It's been hard to let go and detach from him.

However, today I came across a story online that I loved, and it made me realise something that I had not thought about before. To process my feelings, I record video diaries about my heartbreak to track my growth. It helps me when I feel alone and like I have nobody to talk to. After recording my thoughts, I felt better, so I decided to share my story in case it could help someone else going through a similar situation.

The story of a butterfly/the butterfly effect - anonymous (online)

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.

One day a small opening appeared.

He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours

as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.

Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.

He took a pair of scissors and

snipped off the remaining bits of the cocoon.

The butterfly emerged easily but

it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,

expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge

and expand enough to support the body,

Neither happened.

In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life

crawling around.

It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness

and haste did not understand:

The restricting cocoon and the struggle

required by the butterfly to get through the opening

was a way of forcing the fluid from the body

into the wings so that it would be ready

for flight once that was achieved.

The moral of the story is that struggles are sometimes necessary in our lives to help us grow and shape ourselves into who we are as individuals. Life without obstacles would make us weak and fragile, and without struggles, we would not be as strong as we could be, and we would never be able to fly. In the story, the man tried to help the butterfly by doing the work for him, but he only made matters worse. The struggle that the butterfly endured, even if it took several hours, would have made him stronger and enabled him to fly. As humans, we all go through experiences where we struggle or face hardships such as a breakup or failing an exam. Although these struggles may be painful at the moment, if we look back at our past struggles, we realize that we have grown from them and become stronger as individuals. If we allow others to do the work for us and hold our hand through life, we will never learn and never be as strong as we are now. Sometimes, doing it alone and experiencing it alone is what matters.

I know it's hard, but you can do it. When I think about my recent breakup, I look back to my last breakup and compare who I was then to who I am now. I'm grateful for that experience because although I struggled, I grew stronger from it, and you, a stranger, can too. While we can gain support from others and access help, it is ultimately up to us to make decisions, even as simple as getting out of bed. Even if we may succeed in letting go of someone or something and forgetting it, always remember that we can fail, and that's okay. It will get better. Even if we fail time and time again, trying to do no contact, heal, or even do simple tasks like eating or self-care, we will not be in pain forever, and one day we will succeed. But even through success and failure, it's the courage to continue to push forward, no matter what happens, that counts. Remember, "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” - Winston Churchill."

I wish you great healing, and know that you are not alone, and it will get better. Maybe one day, whenever it may be (because healing time is not measured), you may look back and think, "I'm grateful that happened because look at me now." Take care, lovelies♡.