Anxious and lost

I have to come to a realisation that I have to end up breaking up with my boyfriend of 5 years for whom I sacrificed a lot of friendships, my family and my time. To think, the guy who stay up late to talk to me and helped me with my self harming is verbally abusing me and tryna control what I wear.

You see, I grew in a very conservative country where women are literally seen as objects of desire and honestly most of the time, women have to live in fear of getting murdered or raped by men. That being said, my boyfriend, initially wasn't like this now when I wear cute mini skirt he says "I look like a whore and I am trying to get men to flirt with me." I have always loved fashion and I like dressing a particular way. The suffocating nature of my country is what made me move abroad in the first place and to think even here I am having to walk on eggshells about what I wear is just......

I have patiently tried and tried time and time again to tell him I don't like when he talks to me in a bad tone and comments on my clothes. I have given him multiple chances to fix himself, He told me my clothing gives him anxiety so I tried to ease it to him slowly. Updating him about my whereabouts and such but I don't think anything is ever gonna work. So I'm contemplating a split for good. However, I'm alone here and he's the only person I feel like I can rely on during my hardest of days, I have no friends because I am very socially awkward and school and work takes half of my time so I don't even have the energy to go out and socialise. I'm scared to be alone and I'm scared I will be alone for the rest of life. I don't feel like I'm a likable person and idk if I'm asking too much by choosing myself and trying to cut off someone.