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TW: Thoughts of Self Harm
I'm really tired. I really just want to cry and be held and understood, no conversation needed. Today was really hard for no reason, I was walking home and it all just came crashing down. Don't get me wrong it was there before just not as prominent. When that happened I thought about hurting myself, I would never actually do it in the mindset I have now as. But I came to understand why some people do it. Just wanted a break from all the bad feelings. From feeling like an outsider, from being the one person no one searches for or gets invited to things.
I'm at the point where texting people takes so much of my energy that I just don't have. It feels like talking to them has become a chore. And why do some people just not know when to shut up?? Like the conversation is dead, I'm not interested so leave me alone. But I get to caught up in how it might affect others that I can't fucking stand up for myself. I just wish I was a kid again when things didn't matter as much. Sure I had my own problems then too, but I feel like it would be better than right now.
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