Hopeless in love with my best friend

I female and my best friend also female.

I only started realizing my feelings about half a year ago and I was so confused cuz I'm a girl and she's a girl. I've never actually loved anyone this way before. I've had crushes on boys but I don't actually really care about them at all actually I just wanted to feel like I was in love because my old friends were all about that stuff. So you could say that she was my first love ever. But when I started realizing my feelings we were on school break and I didn't get to see her for like 2 months and I missed her so much because she doesn't really text or message me. And then when school was almost starting again I Heard from my other friends that she changed class. She didn't even tell me about it. I broke down and sob completely. Nobody knows about my feelings at all and still don't till this day.

Even tho I would still get to see her sometimes it still hurts but what hurts even more was that she started gradually distancing herself from me... She has never texted me again since. We only talk when we pass by each other sometimes. I feel broken like I'm the only one who still care. She's move on since long ago but I used to text her sometimes because I wanted to keep this friendship even tho now I love her in another way. She was still my close friend. But then I also stopped texting her. I'm scared that she'll think I'm annoying. I realized she was never texting me but only replying to me. She's an out going person and she's not an over thinker like me so she probably doesn't care anymore and has lots of new friends.

I think about her almost everyday and always cry. I know that she doesn't love me back. I know that even if she did it would never work out because of families, tradition and stuff it's definitely not common and normal here. I'm not pretty enough to even catch her attention she's definitely straight. Now I talk to her like once a week. She never comes to me first unless I chase after her it hurts that I'm not even her close friend anymore. I could never ever confess this one-sided love.

I miss all the old times and memories we made together and the fact that they're now just all forgotten about. Why why why why why why why why WHY WHY please WHY. I'm crying so hard my heart aches.

I'm trying so hard to forget about my feelings and act like it's not affecting me but I don't know what to do. Sometimes I wish I had never even met her. How could she do this to me without even knowing anything.

I love you. I love you. I love you so much. Please I could never actually say these words to you irl so

To the person I love so much but you'll never know...

I love your confidence your stubbornness your smile your outgoing personality your curly-hair your tall body your funny act.

There's so much more but I'm not able to write it all here.

Please I love you if maybe in another universe you love me back and we can be together...

But right now in this universe I'll try my best to erase these feelings I don't love you at all I swear I don't not anymore I swear.

At least... Be my close friends again