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I have come to the realisation, despite what everyone tells me, that feelings are permanent.
There is not such thing as 'it will fade'. I hate to ruin the poetic vibe of this website, but time doesn't heal shit.
It has been roughly six months since I broke up with my version of the person you still think about. This month, the time away from them has finally exceeded the time I was with them.
I tell all my friends I'm glad it's over. I don't speak to them anymore. All 52 photos of our dates have been deleted, all the 500+ messages too. And I am glad it's over.
And at the same time, I dream about them too. Every place we went together reminds me of them. Songs I heard through them. Certain locations bring back memories, foods we tried together, jokes we made a lot.
If you have a similar person, you understand, If you're currently experiencing the good part, then trust me you will.
Because the thing nobody tells you about making pretty memories with someone, Is that you have to live with them after they stop making you happy.
But I'm glad we are over.
I see them around a lot, and I wish we were friends. I want to know how they've been.
The truth is, feelings don't go away, they change, they become discoloured. Experiences are permanent markers on plain white walls. They're there forever, but you're allowed to put something over them, they become smudged, blurry.
I have forgotten the majority of conversations we had, I've forgotten what words were popular between us, I've forgotten what Inside jokes we used to have, I've forgotten where we went on our fifth date.
You see, here's the thing reader. Feelings alone aren't enough to do anything. They have to come with your thoughts too. Feeling things Is like....an amplifier. What's the point if there's nothing to say with them?
So what I get nervous when I find myself walking next to them In public, so what I lower my head and focus on a friend, the truth is, I'm not thinking about them, I'm feeling about them. At the end of the day, I know I'm over them because of that, feelings don't go away, thoughts do.
And I like someone new. Someone better for me now, not me last year. Someone that I have the experiences and thoughts to back up. Not someone i just feel things for, someone I want.
And now, back to you. Here's some advice, not the advice you usually here, or advice people say.
You probably won't get over your version of them, you're just gonna forget.
If you saw them all day every day for months like you used to, you'd fall for them again. But you aren't.
Your gonna forget why you loved them. You're gonna hear stories about them through friends and think 'that's so like them', and carry around useless info about them, but your not gonna remember why you had it.
And then you're gonna meet someone now, and paint all over those old faded marks. They will still be on your wall, and they'll make up what It looks like, dark streaks might still be visible, carved words etched into them, but everything you will have In place will be much more relevant.
So, stop worrying about getting over them. It's ok, none of us do. You honestly think they dont think about you? You seriously think they're inhuman and hear your favourite song and not remember it's yours? Honey, just because you aren't in love anymore doesn't mean they've erased you from their head, same for you, and me, and my version of them, and everyone else.
So you don't have to worry, at least, I wouldn't.
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