Im an almost thirteen year old girl and I need to share

When I was eleven, eight days before my twelfth birthday I ran a sharpened pencil along my wrists. There wasn’t a particular reason I did, I just felt like it. You see, I guess you could say I’m a pretty troubled kid, or I was. I had discovered sex and porn when I was nine years old and became addicted but not anymore. I just always kept things to myself yk? Well cutting my wrists became an everyday thing. I’d wake up before the rest of my family, go to the bathroom, close the door and lock it, cut my wrists with the pencil then leave. Now, I never drew any blood except for a little bit a few times so it was nothing too bad I guess. Well, for a few months I stopped harming myself and then one day something my sister said to me really affected me deeply. I don’t remember what she said now, but it hurt. And that day I grabbed a ruler, and you know how there’s a sharp part on one end? Well, I cut myself with that part and then cried so hard. I hated myself for not being able to stay clean. Then I continued cutting for a while. I stopped in September of 2023. Im completely clean now. I was never diagnosed with anything btw. But I feel I might have anxiety, and adhd. Im not trying to be like the kids who pretend to be depressed for attention, I genuinely feel like there might be something wrong with me. But I’m definitely happier now. So, so much happier now. And I love myself so much more. But no matter how much I apologize to myself I can’t forgive myself for what I did. There were times I wanted to just die. Has anyone watched the movie “a silent voice”? Remember how shoyas family reacted when they found out he wanted to die? Well I thought about how much my family would suffer if I killed myself, and in a way, that movie kept me alive. Now im turning thirteen in a few months and I’m happy like actually happy. Im glad I made it this far and I plan to continue living because i have dreams and things i want to do and I refuse to let these evil thoughts control me anymore. I am now six months clean. I did it guys!