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Something is very wrong with me. I'm still trying to figure it out. I'm just so lost. I'm not happy.
I'm self important I know. I wanna care about you. But I just can't. Everything is like a blur. I'm just so sick of life. I long for that feeling of death. I don't want to feel bad. I just don't wanna feel. Day after day I'm losing myself more. Nothing I say matters. I'm one of the people that make this website lose its purpose. I don't put much effort into what I say anymore. My first post had at least some effort. This is trash and you know it. Aging is the worst. When you get older you start to have more fears. Fears of losing loved ones, of dying, etc. I am so dead inside. I am lucid dreaming awake. Existence is pain. I am not worth it. I just want to freaking stop. It doesn't feel normal anymore. I'm getting so old now. I can't go on anymore. I need a new reason to live. My life is so devoid at this point. I am just surviving. I always say the same things. I live in my head. I am less than everyone. I just don't live anymore. I keep making mistake after mistake. And I keep going. It never ends. I hate everyone too. I am alone here. No one cares. I'm not ready. I was never ready and I'm never going to be. And people are also not ready to love. Life is awful. I'm never right. I think in terms of opposites. To win you must lose. I'm just tired. I don't want it anymore. I know I'm an attention seeker. I just don't want it anymore. It's not that nice. But I feel a little better for the day after saying all this.
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