What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
What can I do when I don’t want to change? When I’m not ready to face what comes next?
Context: I’ve been sleeping around with multiple men (safely) and conforming to their sexual pleasures (abuse, sexual fantasies, unique kinks, so on) because I know it makes them happy and I like to please people for the ego boost I get. But I know I’m mentally hurting and using sex to deal with trauma/gain some control over my life.
How do I move on? I have a goal already, I have ambitions. I’m just not ready to give up the toxic life because it’s what I know and it’s immediate gratification when I’m sad.
Advice is so so so appreciated. 🖤
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
she's in a relationship but I love her
We met 5 years ago, but she's been friends with her boyfriend a lot longer than her and I have been friends. Her boyfriend and her started dating a year ago and...
-
Hey help me out rq 2
So dudes kudos to my chads who replied but I'm in dire need, the specifics are in the first one so I guess search the tag yearning to find it again Peace✌...
Get a 10 panel std test w hiv 1&2. This needs attention immediately, you're harming yourself and others. See a sex addiction specialist. You're an addict with gratifying behavioral problems.
ReplyNo worries, got tested for that already. All clear.
I’m aware of the addiction and the issue, I just don’t know how to fix it. Therapy made it worse. (groomed and sexually assaulted by the therapist).
ReplyI’m so sorry you had to go through that. Just know that all therapists are not the same, just as all men and women aren’t the same. If you don’t feel comfortable with a therapist in person, perhaps you could meet with one online. If you don’t think you want to try that, there may be a sexaholics type meeting in your area, but a more likely thing would be a support group of some sort online with people that are/have experienced a similar thing. Don’t get me wrong. I am a firm believe in having s*x, but if you think you need help and it is bothering you, then hopefully you’ll look into a support group. You talking about it and asking for help is a start.
ReplyI can relate. But im a male who sleeps around with women just for immediate gratification. I love pleasing other people and by seeing them get pleasure is what gives me pleasure. I have recently started to see a therapist to try to help, and the last appointment that I had with her, she said that she though that I was doing it as a way to cope with what had happened to me when I was sexually abused. I don’t know what type of trauma you have, but it would be beneficial to speak with a professional or atleast someone else, maybe even a support group or someone that has been through similar situations.
ReplyI had an ex boyfriend who use to have me have sex with other men. I eventually liked it because it was gratifying and I enjoyed pleasing other people. It was hard for me to change that after we broke up, so I am still single now because I cant be with only one person. I am not sure how to move forward either. I am glad I am not alone.
ReplyIt’s really hard to move past what you know… but I know I want to fix it. I just don’t know how.
Replyit is hard, especially when it feels good and feel wanted and desired
ReplyThe hard part for me is I have to hide it and act all prim and proper in my normal life due to my family and job. Its quite hard for me to live two lives. I have thought about getting help in the past, but never had any luck at finding anything or anyone that could help. It’s hard to talk about these things with anyone, especially in person.
ReplyIm not sure how to answer this because I just did it for the first time. Although you mentioned you have been with multiple men. So the guy I lost my v to is now ignoring me and idk what to do. I hope he gets ahold of me I really do. But I told a guy I use to date about what happened cause he saw I was upset and he knows how to get things out of me and I finally told him. But now he wants to do it cause he never has. Idk what to do.
But as far as your thing goes. I guess the other people are right about a support group or talkin to people that have been in those type of situations before to. I actually got a lot of help on here tonight earlier by someone until all of my message started getting audited even though they didn’t say nothing bad. I sounded dumb but she was really nice and helpful and non judgmental so maybe you can find the same sorta thing on here.
ReplyThat was me! 😂
ReplyWow what a coincidence. So we are both going through some stuff right now. I wish I could help you like you helped me. I just have so many things running through my mind. I don’t know what to do im so confused. Anyways sorry to keep bothering you. But you seem really smart and I know you will get help somehow. Maybe a support group thing like other people said?
ReplyI thought about it, but I don’t know. Going into a room where people see me with them knowing what I’ve done… stressful.
I’m planning on moving, though, so I’m packing my things and hoping to rent a moving truck next month.
ReplyWhat if you could find some type of support group online or something? And if they are in that group they have proabably been through similar type of stuff if not worse right. It might be good to find someone else that is going through the same stuff and help each other through it.
ReplyI get what your saying about being in a room with people who know what you done and judging you or whatever. Cause it seems like everyone already knows what I did and now my ex wants to get back with me and I got other boys tryin to talk to me now that they know that I am not a virgin anymore. Btw not to steal your post or whats goin on with you but he did finally contact me btw
ReplyOh he did? That’s great! I think I saw that he said he wouldn’t date you though, right? That’s crappy of him to lead you on and take that from you but refuse to date you.
All the replies on the post were getting my brain jumbled, my apologies 😂
Replyya he came over and we had sex in his car. he acted all wierd and stuff. then said he couldnt date me. so idk what to do. i mean im not mad at him but confused i guess. i really like him but if its not gonna work then i guess thats up to him right. but now my ex has been wanting me to go over to his house and date him again and i got some messages from other guys today too which usually dont bother with me. i want ya to nkow that you really helped me alot. and last night wasnt great either it wasnt bad but wasnt great. it was quick. hopefully gets better
ReplyThis sounds like the time where you come into your femininity and say if you won’t date me then this is done. Because even if he wasn’t using you before, he might be now. So cut contact with him because if he can have sex with you, he can certainly date you. You could also tell him that he needs to give a valid reason for not dating you or you’re going to cut him off.
Haha, it does get better, trust. Take it from someone who has it as their personal addiction. Now sometimes it hurts, and that just means you ask them to stop what they’re doing unlike me. 😂
Don’t entertain the other guys, don’t give yourself to anyone else. Give this guy his ultimatum. If he says no, ignore the other guys who we can both tell only want you for sex and go on with your life, because there is a man out there who will appreciate you the way this older prick should have. 🖤
Glad I could help someone else 🫶
Replythe age difference is why. and i wish i coulda seen this post before I hung out with my ex bf. now im prob a slut. and you did help ALOT. thank you.
Replyand you were right AGAIN. it does get better. it is already getting better but with my ex.
ReplyIdk what to say but alteast you know what you want to do and tahts a start. I think people on here have a good idea and that is getting support to help you thorugh it. I have some stuff going on to and I actually got some help on here tonight. Someone was really helpful. I have more stuff to hopefully talk to her about but all of my recent messages are being reviewed I guess. But open up to someone you can trust and get some support through this okay
ReplyHi darling the inner little girl in me is hugging yours right now. It's such a sad thing how we are taught to perform in the bedroom and find acceptance that way. Ive struggled with this too in life and I know how much pain it can cause. As for solutions. Really this is a symptom of feeling unlovable and undesriable, feeling powerless, and ultimately feeling a deep sense of loneliness like an inner voice that tells you you are fundamentally separate from other people (you are not though). To escape this patern you have to fix the inner voice that tells you that you are unlovable and alone. It's a very hard journey but a very fulfilling one and you can do it, you are worth the effort. For now I'd take a step back from the casual relationships to give yourself time to heal. Identify the fear that this may be soothing or distracting you from (my guess is feeling like you will never find love unless you work for it, which is not true and I'm sorry) give yourself Affirmations to combat this, go to therapy, take yourself on solo dates, journal, do for yourself what you seek in others. I love you stranger keep your head up, I believe in you and this chapter is turning the page soon :)
ReplyYou can start by sharing what is bothering you about these experiences. Getting it out in the open may be helpful and lift a weight off from your shoulders. We can listen and try to help you through this.
ReplyWell it depends. Sometimes, the men are nice and it’s sweet. But that’s rare. A lot of them have a kink for CNC or blood, so I end up running for them a lot in heels just so they can catch and fuck me. Book girl’s dream, right? Normally, yes, if they loved you.
Some of them cut me. Knives and shit.
Those are really the ones that hurt because not only is my body stained from the inside, but I have physical scars from it now.
ReplyThank you for sharing that. I am sure it isn’t easy to talk about this type of stuff with complete strangers and be completely honest, but sometimes it helps just to get some of this stuff out in the open and off your chest and shoulders.
It seems like you are quite use to having sex frequently so it is going to be difficult going from a lot to nothing or one person even. I guess a start could try to be more selective in your choice of partners and discuss their kinks and interests before you are with them. You can set your boundaries and create a safe word. Trust me I am not judging you and I feel that everyone should be able to do whatever they want in the bedroom as long as BOTH parties are consensual and no one is getting hurt. It sounds like you are consensual but you are getting hurt, physically and emotionally by the sounds of it. I realize that there is a thrill factor involved in all of this and it is exciting at the time, but afterwards you feel differently. Am I correct in that? because that is how it has been for some of my sexual experiences in the past, I loved it while it was happening and really got off on it but afterward I was like wth did I just do.
So my advice is to at least try to find partners that are more safe and respectful of you and your body. Anything else, please feel free to talk or ask.
Reply